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She NEVER asks to go see him. She goes with me to the cemetery to change out the flowers. She wonders why she hasn't heard from him. We have done and said it all...and yes because she has dementia she asks again. She never gets sad or cries one way or the other with our responses. But last night she said she just thought that she would have gotten a note from him by now. Should I write a letter to her from him...telling her that he loves her and will see her soon...or that he can't come home just yet...or that he will never be able to come home...I'm just thinking as much as she like to get notes from people....and she keeps them all...should there be one from him that she can pull out and read on her own...and what should it say??? Help. So sad!

The letter sounds like a lovely idea. I’m not sure it would work but I think we learn by trying. Please let us know how it goes. It might help you. If you find it makes you sad then don’t do it.

My aunt has times where she misses someone and she will ask me if they have died. It’s so often the answer. She doesn’t cry either. (Only if she sees someone else cry).

But in my aunts case she no longer repeats herself unless stressed. Then it’s about the issue at hand. Where are we going? Why are we going? Etc.
But aunt does look at her cards and letters from time to time.

I doubt your mom will remember that she has the note but if it brightens her day then it’s a success.
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I think your suggestion of writing a letter to her on behalf of him is a good idea because when she forgets she has it and asks the usual questions, then you can pull out the letter and read it for her.
It should be a positive letter and like you say it should state that he loves her and will see her soon. Maybe it could say that he has found a new home for them and he has gone to prepare it for her. In my experience with my Mum who has dementia, short, simple explanations were always received the best and eventually as your mother’s dementia progresses, she will forget to ask. Hope that helps. God bless.
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