My mother has dementia. Where should she really be--in a nursing home or Assisted living?

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I been taking care of my mother for 10 yrs her other kids said NO WAY they say they love her, be really? To me that is not love but then again she is hard to live with and deal with on day to day and I understand but still not even to take her in to try. I can't do this anymore really. My mother is at risk to fall and I need my sleep at night when I go sleep she stays up all night walking I don't know what shes doing to many things happen from time to time with her up all alone. She at a lot of time stays up till next morning walking up and down the house she wont sleep and has fell i am up on and off at night so i can hear if she did fall. She wont listen can't remember anyway after 5 min what I have told her. i can't take it anymore I did the best I could gave up my life my friends most every thing to help her she wont listen and don't seem to want to improve thinks says shes doing fine her way! Good god! Where and how do I get her into ether a Assistant living or should she need Nursing care? What would be best?

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About Assisted Living and Medicaid. Some ALFs do accept Medicaid. Really. We found a nice place for my mother (but then decided to move her in with my sister). It also had memory care and skilled nursing facilities.

The lovely ALF where my daughter is an assistant physical therapist accepts Medicaid from residents who have been private pay a certain length of time. They also have memory care.

The great ALF where my caregivers' support group meets also accepts Medicaid after private-pay for a given period, and also has memory care.

Gayle189, have you asked specifically if your aunt's facility would consider Medicaid from her? Many places that "don't take Medicaid" for new residents do accept it from private pay residents when their money runs out. (And almost everyone's money runs out.)

It is a little harder to find an ALF that accepts Medicaid from new residents, but it is possible.

I wish this weren't so hard. I wish Medicaid paid a realistic amount to ALFs and NHs, so more places would accept it. I wish there were an over-all comprehensive plan for how our society deals with the elderly who need care. But for now, it is what it is, and caregivers have to be very diligent and work very hard to search out all the options.
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lightedpumken I think you may be confused about Medicare and Medicaid. Research on this site for articles about these. It sounds like you are thinking in the right direction, you can't do it alone. First step you need to do is Legal control of the situation, if you do not have this in order. Then make sure of the diagnosis and Dr's awareness of your situation. Keep copies of Dr's advise, diagnosis and care recommendations forms. Keep a list of medications and ask Dr's why they are needed, counteractions with other drugs, how long the meds will take to improve behavior. Sometimes meds make a behavioral situation worse, either from not taken properly/timely or too much,skipping doses etc. Taking these steps will stabilize your situation, your not going to be able to make a care plan unless you know the details of finances, health issues, and legal control is needed to do these things, unless parents consent on their own.
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Wanted to add, we reside in MI and if auntie had a lot of medical issues a nursing home would be fine, but she is healthy other than her hearing, her dementia and urinary incontinence. I don't think that qualifies her for a nursing home. Seems the only way she would qualify is if she runs out of money.
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I can tell you that I am unable to find Dementia Care in assisted living that accepts Medicade. I am currently trying to keep my 95 year old aunt in her current assited living facility private pay as long as I can. Your mom sounds a lot like my aunt. I am afraid the next stop in a skilled nursing home that accepts Medicaid. Sad that assisted living does not accept Medicaid. You would think that the government would gladly cover it since skilled nursing is way more expensive. Memory care in assited living runs about $5000 a month..skilled nursing around $7,ooo to 8,000 and assisted living if eligable takes VA aid and attendance, nursing homes do not. My aunt does not need skilled nursing, she needs memory care.
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You will need to find a facility that meets her needs and also accepts Medicaid.
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Yes she has Medicaid? her income not much shes collecting from her husband Social Security. Not enough for Memory Care.
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Her doctor can help you evaluate whether she needs skilled nursing. An assisted living facility can help assess whether their services would be suitable and sufficient for her. Another option is a memory care facility.

What can she afford? Will she need Medicaid? Is she on Medicaid now?

Good luck!
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