Follow
Share

How can I get power of attorney without going to court? I've been paying her bills on her house and I'm running out of money. She has been living with my husband and myself for 6 months now. My mom is stubborn and won't agree to anything I say. She is under Hospice care now and really can't think for herself now. My brother (70) and sister (59) don't help me at all. I'm at my wits end now. I need suggestions please. Thank you so very much.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Right having had a little more time I can now see potentially what the problem is. Now I don't know the terms you have in the US but I do know them well in the UK so you may have to do a little research Jo. What you may find is that the bank is querying the type of POA you actually have. There are two main types in the UK where more than one person is named and it IS a good idea to have more than one person named in case that person dies at which point it will go to the courts and that costs.

So that said. Joint POA - that means that one POA cannot act alone and HAS to act WITH the other POA for all transactions two signatures (or more if there are more than two POAS) on absolutely everything. It is a royal pain in the arse and practically doesn't function because if any one of the POAS should die or go abroad or become senile then the document is invalid.

Then there is joint and several. This means that at POA can act once they are registered with the courts but they can act independently. I imagine this is the you have and that is what is causing the problem. POAS are responsible for acting in the clients best interests AT ALL TIMES and can be called upon to prove that they have done so. However the bank sees it differently - why don't you both go into the bank together to get this sorted and ask their advice as to what they actually want. If nothing else you would know where the issue really lies.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Do you mean that your mother has given you and A N Other joint Power of Attorney? Who is the other person?

Is it that you and the other person disagree about what is the right thing to do for your mother?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The bank will not acknowledge our POA because it has 2 people listed giving POA.
The bank said 2 signatures would counter over each other and that they couldnt be liable if we couldnt agree.
That was the whole reason for us getting 2 signatures...to watch out for one another.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

what more do you need? but will yours allow you to sell her home; mine wouldn't, but it should give you access to her account; that's what I got mine for
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

what if i'm so frustrated that i just want to admit her into memory care. Can i sell her home and have access to her account to pay for monies i am out and to keep her from taking it out of her bank, which she has been known to do????
We have power of attorney, but that's all.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

LawdyP: I think at this point you should get an Elder Care attorney
and let them guide you on what to do. This will of course not be free (although some EC atty's offer a free one- time consultation) but in your situation it could be worth every penny.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If you have her account info, ss number, etc etc.. You can go online to her bank and set up online access... That way you can pay bills from there.. Until you get with an elder care attorney to get legal POA
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Your Mom sounds like My Mother and Mother in Law..The Children that Kiss their asses bending over BACKWARDS Are the Bad GUYS~ ~I study Theology..~Always Learning More ,,Brings Peace to My Heart~~This is the Only WAY I can Forgive My Family. I Praise God In Jesus name Everyday Many Times a DAY.The Mind( Soul)mind ,Will, Emotions) Their arrogance , arguments and amnesia is targeting those who LOVE them ,, HEART,Gods Spirit Lives in Our Hearts)Only God knows why Our Family,Friends and People in General we are surrounded by are so ONE MINDED,(angry.selfish.greedy)) They take it out on the Happy ,Giving and Forgiving One's,,( God made Your Heart Perfect for You Are made in His Image) ) Don't dwell On their Behavior,,Just Praise God for making YOU in His Image,,(Read King James Verse (Google if you don't have Bible)Bible,,PSALM: 14:1~ Your Friend ,,Pattyann..ox (hope this settles Your Heart and Mind..
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

control
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Hi Salisbury, without knowing everything about LawdyP I can make an educated guess to your question. LawdyP did more for her Mother than the other children. It seems like a pattern that the more a child does the more the dementia parent hates the child and the children who do nothing are saints. As a matter of fact everyone is a saint even outside of the family except for the person who is killing themselves for the parent. Seems typical in dementia. It makes no sense just like trying to reason with a parent or anyone with dementia does not work. The parent get a fixed believe in their mind and nothing can change it. I am an only child and have done everything for my parents. Now only left is my Mother because Father died Nov.2, 2015. Mom has dementia and absolutely hates me why? I have no idea. If you have any ideas let me know. She hates my husband who has health problems of his own (pancreatic cancer on his 40th chemo treatment) so much after he saved my parents life at least 3 times because I could not do it on my own. She physically violent to both of us but very nice to strangers. She also has no one else to turn to. I could go on but will stop here. Sorry.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Why did your mom cut you out like this????
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Oh crumbs, Lawdy.

Your brother may not want to take care of your mother, but that doesn't mean that he can ignore everything that's going on.

Facts are facts. Living costs money. Your mother's living costs still have to be paid. Get your siblings together if you can to discuss how they are to be paid. And if no one has already said this, document absolutely everything that you spend on your mother's behalf and on caring for her - keep all receipts and bank statements and do your best to keep the expenses clear and separate.

Does anyone have access to your mother's bank accounts at all? If not, you'll need advice on what to do about it - Pam?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks for you help. She does have a will but everything states "Upon Her Death", so and so get this or that. Not thing about when she is still alive. In fact it states that 100% of "everything" belongs to her as long as she is still alive. Upon her death, the house and everything in it goes to my brother and my sister gets her money. I have a brother who is 2 years younger than I am and him and I get nothing. I have been the only one by her side 100% since I was born. I've known about her will for years now and it didn't bother me one bit. Now that she has dementia I moved her in with me cause my brother didn't want to take care of her. My sister won't retire for another 5 years. My younger brother disowned her many years ago because of the way him and I were treated. Sorry I got carried away. But, it felt good to vent to someone other than my husband.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If she is on Hospice, find the Will. There may be POA documents attached to it. You need the original, not a copy. If there is dementia, no attorney is going to let her sign a new POA.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter