"kinda diagnosed in ER" You cannot possibly take that as her being diagnosed. It probably was an opinion. Without proper testing and labs it was not a definite diagnosis. She needs a neurologist to evaluate her but I would start with her PCP. Ask that tests be run to check her levels. Like Thyroid, potassium, sugar. Anything that could contribute to her change.
Your Mom could have a mental illness which would be treatable. No facility will take her without a proper diagnosis. And if a Dementia, you need to find out which type. Certain medications work on some and not others.
Surely you must be able to think of better examples of your mother's "aggressive dementia" than that she disagreed with your advice to take drinking water with her when she went for a walk in hot weather.
What happened in the ER when she was "kinda" diagnosed? What took her to the ER, what treatment was she given, and what did the hospital put in her notes?
I'm not going to answer your question, just ask a couple (a lot) of questions. The object here is to protect mom, dad and anyone else who she might take her aggression out on. Are you concerned about allowing your dad the right to place your mom? If so, why? What are dad's wishes for her? Does aggressive dementia mean mom is striking your dad? Is she verbally abusive? Are there situations that trigger her outbusts? Have you addressed her behavior with her doctor? Can dad stand any more misery? I'll answer that...NO. Tell your dad you'll work with him to address this issue. Often a LOs anger is in response to the caregiver's behavior. Does he raise his voice? Does he argue? Mom may feel misunderstood and become frustrated and lash out. You can call your local Area Agency on Aging or/and the Alzheimer's Assn. and explain your concerns. You need to get someone else involved. Seek legal help to begin with.
That's a lot of questions with no answers. You provide the answers then decide if her behavior is something that can be resolved at home or if she needs more care than the family can provide.
If your Mother has dementia, and your Father is still married to her, then as her next of kin, then, yes, he can put her in Memory Care for her own safety and for her care. He may already be her POA? If she has made anyone ELSE her POA it becomes a bit more complicated. Also if questions arise, for instance there being NO POA for Health, and a family squabble --as a hypothetical, say that a child says "YOU no longer love my mother, and I will take her to my home before I see you put MY MOTHER in a nursing home", then things may become somewhat complicated. The child may file for guardianship. If the husband and father is not suffering from dementia himself, then it is likely that HE would win guardianship for his ill wife IF she made no prior POA designating, say, a child when well; he would prevail in court. Your father should see an elder law attorney, and you might accompany him as a support; there will be a necessity for separating assets in a way that would prevent your father's and mother's assets from being completely wiped out in her care. Your father has to have assets left for his OWN future. So please see an attorney. I know it is expensive, but there are times there is no other safe way. So that kind of covers rights. Now we are down to your father's wishes in the matter. He has decisions only he can make. Glad you are there for support. If there are complications in this case, then all bets are kind of off. Are there?
My mother has been diagnosed kinda in the emergency room a couple years ago. But, she absolutely refuses to go to the doctor in any capacity, so we cant deem her unfit at all. Plus, she can turn on the charm anytime, which makes other people wonder if she truly has dementia. Although, she walks all over the park at over 100 degree weather with no water. She wont take water from anyone, including us.
And as far as I know, my mother has never designated anyone for her POA. No paperwork was ever drawn up.
Thank you for the help. I will be contacting a lawyer...for my dad if nothing else.
Did your mother give your father medical power of attorney for her? Does he have guardianship? Is her dementia diagnosed and has she been certified legally incompetent?
But those are all legal technicalities. Before you even get to those - what does your father want to do? Your profile explains that you are all living in a 55+ community, does the community offer your father any support with managing your mother's care?
Your Mom could have a mental illness which would be treatable. No facility will take her without a proper diagnosis. And if a Dementia, you need to find out which type. Certain medications work on some and not others.
What happened in the ER when she was "kinda" diagnosed? What took her to the ER, what treatment was she given, and what did the hospital put in her notes?
That's a lot of questions with no answers. You provide the answers then decide if her behavior is something that can be resolved at home or if she needs more care than the family can provide.
Woman cannot take very good care of self, is "at risk".
Needs more care.
Also if questions arise, for instance there being NO POA for Health, and a family squabble --as a hypothetical, say that a child says "YOU no longer love my mother, and I will take her to my home before I see you put MY MOTHER in a nursing home", then things may become somewhat complicated. The child may file for guardianship. If the husband and father is not suffering from dementia himself, then it is likely that HE would win guardianship for his ill wife IF she made no prior POA designating, say, a child when well; he would prevail in court.
Your father should see an elder law attorney, and you might accompany him as a support; there will be a necessity for separating assets in a way that would prevent your father's and mother's assets from being completely wiped out in her care. Your father has to have assets left for his OWN future. So please see an attorney. I know it is expensive, but there are times there is no other safe way.
So that kind of covers rights. Now we are down to your father's wishes in the matter. He has decisions only he can make. Glad you are there for support.
If there are complications in this case, then all bets are kind of off. Are there?
And as far as I know, my mother has never designated anyone for her POA. No paperwork was ever drawn up.
Thank you for the help. I will be contacting a lawyer...for my dad if nothing else.
Did your mother give your father medical power of attorney for her? Does he have guardianship? Is her dementia diagnosed and has she been certified legally incompetent?
But those are all legal technicalities. Before you even get to those - what does your father want to do? Your profile explains that you are all living in a 55+ community, does the community offer your father any support with managing your mother's care?