Mother has delusions about infidelity. - AgingCare.com

Mother has delusions about infidelity.

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My mother is 96 and thinks my 90 yr old father is having an affair. She had made up all these stories about how this woman calls my father and spend the night with him. Mom lives with me because she had had several falls and I've been her caregiver. My parents home is a two story with the bathroom upstairs and the it would be expensive for them to have the house remodeled. Plus, my dad wouldn't be able to care for her. Mom talks of nothing else but this affair. She cries all day, won't eat more than one meal, and gets so agitated at night that she can't sleep. She asks for dad to come over and says she misses him, then when he's here soon she does is make ugly accusations and verbally abused him. Yesterday he came by because he misses her and again but she kept up the verbal abuse and she all evening she cried and begged me to call dad and tell him to come back. When the paid caregiver is here, mom will call dad 7 to 10 times. Dad won't answer the phone because it's upsetting for him. We worry about his mental health as well. I can't reason with her and she thinks I'm against her. She's on Quetiapine and Lorazepam. Last night she refused to take her medication until my son finally convinced her. Then she started coughing and choking. Not sure if those pills went down. Respite for me? That's a joke... I still come back and don't know what to do.

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Crush her pills and put them into applesauce or pudding.
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commochic, I am so glad you are taking her to the doctor. I certainly hope a med adjustment helps.

Unfortunately this is a fairly common (and heartbreaking) delusion. Please keep us posted on how this works out. We learn from each other.
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She needs better drugs. Lorazepam is short acting, only about 4 hours. There are long acting anxiolytics, like Klonopin, available. Quetiapine is best used in an extended release formulation. Range: 150 mg to 300 mg orally daily. Doses above 300 mg have not been studied. If you are already up to 300 without positive results, talk to the MD and ask about other drugs for delusional thinking.
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My father, thinking it would help, asked mom for forgiveness. This only made things worse. Thank you for your responses. Mom has a doctors appt tomorrow and I'll ask about adjusting her meds.
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That's a tough situation. Your mom and dad must be in a lot of pain dealing with this delusion. I might discuss it with her doctor and try to get her medication adjusted or changed. Sometimes, that has to be done. Maybe, if she could get rid of some of the anxiety, she would relax and not have so much mental pain.

Convincing her that her suspicions are unfounded hasn't worked. I doubt they will. I might confer with a mental health professional to get specific advice about what to say to her. It's a huge issue with her. I can't help but wonder if she would settle down, if told that he made a mistake, stopped the affair and begs for her forgiveness. At least, she might be able to let it go. Because, it's so painful, I'd get advice on that approach from a trained mental health professional though.

ALSO, keep in mind that the reason your mom may keep going on with this affair belief over and over and will not let it lie is that she FORGETS that she has already done it the day before and the day before that. So, she may keep doing it, thinking it's the first time she has confronted him about the affair. Nothing can change that, because you can't make her recall a resolution if she has no short term memory to recall it with.
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Get here, asap to a geriatric psychiatrist for an evaluation and medication adjustment.
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