My mother has Alzheimer's and refuses to see a doctor or clean herself.

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She wont bath or brush her teeth or anything that concrns cleanliness. When approached with any of these things she gets extremely mad.

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Bring in Adult Protective Services to get the Alzheimer's patient clean. If she puts up a fit, stand your ground ever so hard as it may be. As far as the doctor appt., you're in control, e.g. "you get her there."
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I went through that with my mom who acted the same way. I had to make the bathroom extremly comfortable with a small heater even though we have a big one. Big bubbles and salts.. Put her clothes out and make it cosy as heck. Then I kept asking her to take a bath. It works but still like once a week. Smh..which is better than before.
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I know I may be repeating myself here, but I can't stress the fact that you may need to seek out experienced & knowledgeable help to get your mom going on the bathing issue. The right fit/person is crucial, may not happen on the first visit, yet it should if they are truly experienced with ALZ. There needs to be a chemistry between your mom & your chosen help. The day has to be about her, all attention on her, a lot of compliments & praise. You may need a reward for her, a lunch date, manicure, a salon visit. A routine & consistency works for my brother, once I got on board with the what to do I had him doing a shower daily. I'm glad I accomplished this, because with progression of the ALZ incontinence will occur, in & out of clothing, washing/showering is a must. I ran into the same fight with going into Depends, needed help, I had my gal on speed dial, mission accomplished. I don't think to many people or to much firmness is the way to approach this. You don't want her to be frightened, or, more confused with all the goings on. This disease is tricky, like a toddler it seems there is a remembrance of a bad experience, the last thing either of you need. Once you and her get over this hurdle it will be a huge relief for you. There will be more challenges yes, but, you will be ready & able. Hang in. Wishes of luck!💐
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when all else fails though, sometimes the only thing left is to just pick them up and put them in the shower and give them a bath. Sometimes when someone is so stubborn nothing else works, this is the only option left when all else has failed and I know that for a fact. Sometimes this is the only option and I actually know this for a fact because it happened to my foster dad at some point. Oh yes, he would use a bar of soap and clean his face neck ears and even what little hair he had and he would even shave. However, he never washed his clothes or showered, just changed between dirty outfits, making the smell worse. He always wore his clothes until they rotted and fell apart. When he got between the hospital and the nursing home, they cleaned him up and he got new clothes
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My old client hated to shower. I know she thought she could fake out everyone, but no shower for a week and you're also incontinent? The smell was a dead giveaway. My job with her did NOT include showering, luckily, but unluckily, it did require me to be in close quarters with a dirty body. Her refusal to shower or bath was the deciding factor in her family placing her in LT care. One person who smells atrociously can make a whole house smell. I think it's very sad, but nobody could get her to do anything. Thank heaven she had a standing hair appt each week. At least she "looked" groomed for a few days.
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They have a professional hairdresser who comes to the Memory Care facility to cut and style the residents hair. (Professional basin and hose too.) My LO who has severe dementia, still enjoys having her hair cut and styled though. Even when I mention it, I can see her body seem excited. I requests that she get cut and styled each time the lady comes in.
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These answers are all so accurate and made me cry. Oh, the passive aggression!! I would try every appeal to encourage my Mom to shower and she would sometimes quip "ok, if it will make you happy!" Or "well, I guess Deàn insists" (not remembering that I'm Deàn.) She would go several weeks without showering. The real knife to the heart came when I was lovingly and gently shampooing her hair one time and she accused me of trying to hurt her. It made me so sad that her diseased brain could think that. I never took her to the dentist again because I couldn't bear to be the one always causing her pain. I know that's a mistake but I don't want the end of her life to be spent catching up on deferred dental stuff. Now that my beautiful Mom is in a dementia facility, sob, her hair is always shiny and smells so good when I kiss her head. Prayers for all of us in this together.
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These sound like some challenging concerns. Caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's is an ever-changing and sometimes overwhelming responsibility! We've compiled some resources on Alzheimer's and dementia that may be helpful: http://www.partnersinhc.com/chronic-disease-management/alzheimers-disease/.
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if you happen to be lucky enough to have heard an inside joke from the person's family from long ago that may have convinced other people to do something, you may use that joke in this situation. For instance, my foster dad would run around half naked. I convinced him that the people in the TV could see him and that they were watching that he better go dress up. He was finally convinced enough to go clean up and dress up and look his best for the people in the TV because he was always watching TV. This joke was based on something he told me when TV first came out and everyone came looking like they crawled out of bed and sprawled out in front of the TV. The joke pulled by his dad convinced everyone right away to get up and go clean up dress up and do their hair and sit very nicely in front of the TV
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I have read that a number of things can contribute to the refusal to bathe. For some dementia patients, the sensation of water hitting the skin is painful and a sensation that their brain cannot easily tolerate, so, patience and new techniques are required. The patient may also genuinely believe that they have already bathed, so, in their mind, they are clean. Their brain can't process that that they are wrong. And I've read about fear of water too, though, I've never seen that.

Do you think that she will swish a rinse in her mouth? My LO's dentist recommended ACT dental rinse to cut down on plaque between brushes or if she refuses to brush. There's only so much you can do and you have to pick your battles.
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