To start off my parents divorced when I was 5 years old. My mother left and didn't think one thing about her 7 children. I grew to be a responsible adult married with 2 children of my own. I didn't see my Mother for several years as she lived with one man after another to get by. She married her last husband 30 some years ago who was 32 years her senior. She knew him one week and married the next. He passed away 12 months later. She has a home that is paid for a few acres she calls her own. Mother never learned how to driver or really learned how to do anything other than sleep around to get what she wanted. So this elderly woman that is my Mother depends on now. I live 150 miles from my elderly Mother. I travel to her home which is in another state every week to take her to get groceries and doctors apt etc. I have been doing this for about 14 years.
My mother is an 81 years old and believes that men are superior to women. Women are incapable of doing anything other than cooking and having sex to get what they want.
My siblings who are scattered have very little or nothing to do with her other than my youngest sister who is a clone of Mother. Never worked a day in her life and lives with her ex husband who is as worthless.
I have had numerous conversations with Mother concerning my younger sister and her ex-husband. stealing from her.
She continues to let them steal and take her food then complains to me about it. I have called several agencies about my concerns but as long as she invites them in and gives the groceries and her possessions away nothing can be done,

I'm sick to the point of telling her to never call me again. What can I do???

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Bless you for making that drive. After that, dealing with Mom and the drive home, you are probably exhausted!
I'd call sis and say "It's on your plate (literally and figuratively) and let her take mom's care over. Still drop by when you want to, but, as Pam so clearly states--this is a "divide and conquer" tactic that many parents use to control the kids. Even when the kids are in their 50's and 60's. Cause it works.

My older brother robbed my parents blind--and they let him. At first we were all appalled, not that it was our "inheritance" since I don't believe in that--but just because he was so brazen about it. And acted so entitled. Ugh.
Takers will take and take a take......and givers will give. That's just the way it is.

Step away for a while, or forever. You'll be the "dog in the doghouse" for a while, but if your family is like mine, pretty soon you won't be in there alone.

Best of luck!
Helpful Answer (1)

1. Mom and Sis are co-dependent and like it that way.
2. Mom is a divide-and-conquer parent. She feels in control when she gets you to fight among yourselves. That's why you are "scattered".
3. You still want her approval and run ragged to get it.
Knowing all this, it is up to you how you will fix it. If you have the guts to do it, stop catering to her needs, and end the conversation when she starts insulting your siblings. I guarantee she complains about you to them.
Helpful Answer (3)

crazyfedup, please let us know how this all works out by you reducing the amount of time you make trips to drive Mom somewhere. If Mom gives you the guilt trip, and she probably would, just stand your ground. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (0)

Personally, I have been through what you are now experiencing... finally I came to the conclusion that 'no one can use me unless I let them' - why shouldn't I let them BECAUSE life is not a dress rehearsal.

I truly feel for you - I remember what you are feeling right now and how it made me feel... for your own sanity only you can stop this please put your foot down to remedy this situation you find yourself in FOR YOURSELF.

Years ago I asked my mother 'If I was really sick would you die for me' of course she said no so I finished telling her well then stop living for me and let me be. We only go around this life one time and I intend on doing it my way and no one else's and you should too.

Your in my thoughts and prayers...
Helpful Answer (1)

JGibbs said it politely: "extract yourself".
I will say it as a trekkie fan:
BEAM ME UP ...... OR THE NEWER STAR TREK: "ENGAGE".........and zoom! Outta the middle of the problem.
I wish it was that easy.
Just kidding a bit,
Helpful Answer (2)

Agree with all of the above. i hope you are not paying for the groceries. Not a good situation which is not going to change so step aside and let them get on with it.
Helpful Answer (2)

Extract yourself from this crazy situation. Mom is who she is, and Sis likewise. You aren't going to reform them. Go about being who you are without the drama and stress their lives cause you.

She is your mother. You may want to continue some contact. But not driving that distance every week, and certainly not doing her grocery shopping. Maybe take her out to lunch once a month.

It is not your fault that your mother did not learn to be a self-sufficient independent adult. She didn't learn to drive? She does know how to call a taxi, right?
Helpful Answer (4)

Just tell mommy dearest that lil' sister dearest would LOVE to do the groceries, so that SHE can PICK and CHOOSE what SHE is GOING to KEEP anyway!!!!!!!!!!


Caught me in a nasty mood. Oh,'s true!!!

Helpful Answer (2)

Thanks Rainmom,
I think you're advise is so right. I'm going to do just that. Let my sister and her ex take on the responsibility. I'm sure dear Mother will be asking for my help but I have to step aside. I'm tired of the whole mess.
Helpful Answer (2)

I sincerely doubt there is anything you can do to stop either your mother or your sister from continuing this pattern of behavior. I think at most you will only drive it underground. Your choice is to either accept it and start shop for three on your weekly trips or walk away - suggesting perhaps your sister do the weekly shopping, thus cutting out the middleman - you.
Helpful Answer (7)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter