My mother is financially very comfortable, but has constant anxiety of running out of money.

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My mother is 78 with a sufficient monthly income and a very healthy portfolio, but has become panic-stricken and obsessive about the notion she is in a "financial hole." My husband and I relocated from our very good jobs in Chicago to be near her in Kentucky, as she was needing more help, but no matter what we do or say she is like a broken record about her finances. I try to reassure her, and we even went to her investor to reassure her, but she's absolutely beyond reason. I am at my wits end with her. Her negativity and irrational panic makes me very resentful, as we gave up quite a bit financially to be close and help her, and she seems not to recognize that. I have no idea what to do with her, but she's about to drive me back north!

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I appreciate all the very helpful, very thoughtful responses. I think you all are probably right, that she is "slipping" a bit and money is the framework. I will see what I can do about getting her some help.
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My impression is the same as Jeanne's - it sounds as though your mother is experiencing a sense of dread, and money just happens to be the salient framework that she can pin her anxiety on. If you were to tell her a nuclear holocaust is imminent (don't do this, obviously) she'd probably fret about that, instead.

I imagine your mother would be hugely insulted if you were even to hint that she is losing her mind? So instead, perhaps ask her to attend a clinic for a wellness check to rule out any problems that might interfere with her independence later on. Stress that this is to help her keep well, rather than suggest any problem that she might indignantly deny.

Thinking back to when she pleaded with you, really, to move closer to her, what seemed to be uppermost in her thoughts then? It does honestly sound as though her peace of mind might have been heading into the tank for quite some time.
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I suspect something more than osteoporosis is operating here. I can certainly understand your resentment. But what if this is a mental health issue or the beginning of dementia, and she really cannot help her ungrateful behavior? I suggest you consider the path Babalou describes with her mother.

I sincerely hope that if I ever lose executive function or, as my sister says, go ga-ga, that family will recognize it as not the real me, and try to get me help.
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My mother is a worry wart about money at times. She gets bank statements each month, but the numbers don't really register with her. When she says anything about money, I just reassure her that she has plenty to live on unless she has to go to a nursing home, then ill will be gone pretty fast. That is truthful, but also reassuring to her, since she doesn't ever see herself in a nursing home. I know it is always a possibility for old folks, but I don't press it.
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Anxiety is a symptom that often accompanies cognitive decline. There was no reassuing my mom about ANYTHING, money, weather, our health. We had to move her to an Independent Living facility, where her anxity was treated by a wonderful geriatric psychiatrist. She encouraged us to have mom worked up by a team of geriatric neurologist/ neuropsych specialists. Mom had Mild Cogitive Impairment! She'd had a small stroke! Oh, she was still " sharp as a tack" in many ways, but her executive functioning and reasoning skills were gone. You might want to consider a similar path.
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Thanks for the response! When I look at what we gave up - at her intense urging - to be here with her, and how she acts about her things and her money, often at the expense of family relationships, it is a real trigger for me. She could be enjoying her grandkids and great-grands, but instead she worries about how much it will cost to feed them if they all come to visit. This is a woman with healthy resources, an inheritance from her late father. It makes me so disgusted and angry. If most people had a fraction of what she has they'd feel very comfortable. Instead, she acts as though her family is a financial burden, not any kind of joy.
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Jules, my Dad [95] does the same thing. He and my late Mom were very frugal thus they saved a lot of money. They had saved for those "rainy days" and Dad is now in Memory Care in a very nice place. I keep reassuring him that he has enough to live there for many years. But he still frets. At least I took over all the financials so now everything comes to my house, my Dad doesn't see any bills at all.

I know what you mean about being resentful. My parents decided to keep living in their home yet didn't want to pay anyone to help them... they looked toward me and here I was a senior citizen myself, I had my own age decline issues. Many times I wanted to go running into the night screaming.... my parents could have easily paid people to help them.

I remember one time my Dad said I will get the inheritance... and I remember saying "if I live to see it.... you and Mom probably would out live me".
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