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She is not in the best of health but not in the worst of health either. One time I had to call an EMT to get her to the ER because she kept complaining of shoulder pain and could not walk. She tripped the week before and landed on her shoulder. I went to her house at least 4 times to go to the ER but she kept changing her mind. After a week, she finally said she would go. Then, I could not get her to walk. She seemed very weak . Long story short, after she is in the ER, she perked up a bit, told them about her shoulder, but said she can walk, she doesnt have problems with her legs etc. Took an xray, she had a bruised shoulder. SO, as we are being discharged, she says to ME I cant walk that far, SO I get her a walker and wheelchair. Wheeled her to the car, used walker when we got home, It was a nightmare getting her up the sidewalk and 3 steps, she was crying, screaming "Im gonna fall". She never fell, got her in the house, she has been fine ever since. She is very good at crying wolf. Now I am at the point where I really dont know if she is telling me the truth or just wants my attention 24/7. My dad died 2 yrs ago. The first year was fine, this year is a nightmare with her attitude and ailments. The doctor and social worker at the ER said she will get some physical therapy for a few wks, because if she doesnt move her body enough she will end up in a bed in a nursing home. She will not listen to them I just know it. I do not have the funds nor does she to get her any private help at home at all. My dad left her with practically nothing, and she is putting pressure on me to take care of her needs 24/7. I do the laundry, take her to Dr. visits, grocery shop, go to her home almost every day. She doesnt even need my help that much is what is frustrating me. I love my mom but I have a family and work myself, I neglect my family too much as it is. I dont know what else to do but vent!! She has been this way for years, but my dad put up with it, I really did not have too. She even got mad at me for giving my dying father too much attention and not her!! Cant win....

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jdfamilyinc, you painted a perfect picture of my own mother. I know what you are going through and I know the answers just aren't there. My mother's life was ruled by anxiety. She has had generalized anxiety disorder as long as I can remember. She will worry herself crazy. She avoids doing things that cause her anxiety. This includes being around people or doing pretty much anything. As she has gotten old, she is afraid of looking foolish around people and also of falling. This keeps her inside except for a few safe places.

People of our parents' age wouldn't look for psychiatric help when they were younger, because they didn't want to look crazy. My mother's GPs prescribed sedatives for my mother's anxiety. She has taken some type of benzodiazepine now for about 50 years. It wasn't until this year that I was able to talk her into seeing a geriatric psychiatrist. He prescribed an antidepressant for her that I was hoping would help out. In my mother's case, it opened a Pandora's box that I wish we'd kept closed, but would probably be helpful for most people dealing with anxiety and fear.

Something you might try is to have your mother's doctor refer her to a geriatric psychiatrist to try to find a balance of medications that lessen her fears without making it hard for her to walk. If your mother understands that it is to adjust her medications, and not because she is crazy, she may be willing to go. Living with fear and anxiety is not a good way to live. I feel bad for her and for you, just like I feel bad for my mother and me. I hope they can find a medication that helps with your mother.
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Thank you very much!
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How many times have I read, "she said she will never go to a. Nursing home." Let me count the ways.

For your own sanity, visit mom a few hours two or three times a week. If there's other family, put together a schedule so she gets more visits. Plan her errands to combine with your own. If you can't manage mom like that, then you need to have a Plan B. Listen to Pat above.

Start making calls to your area's senior services organization. Find out what services might be available at little or no cost. Mom had Meals on Wheels at very little cost. She had a lady who came for two hours every other week to do light cleaning and laundry for $28 a month. She got a $700 stipend yearly from the township to help pay for in-home services. See what your municipality may provide. Help is out there.

You are in charge now. Period. If your mom will not cooperate with you, assuming she is in her right mind, you must tell her that you"re doing all you can. AND if you can't manage her needs and or she won't cooperate, you will call Adult Protective Services and see about their removing her from her home for her own safety.
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Thanks for your advice, but she said she will never go to a nursing home, nor does she want to go to adult daycare or any other senior place. You see, I think this is more mental than anything else. She is a depressed woman with phobias and God knows what else. I did have her on anti-depressants but she stopped taking them, claiming, "only crazy people take them, I dont need them". She just does not get it. Her stubborness is her worst enemy. Tried EVERYTHING, and now I just give up. Let her stay home where she is most comfortable and thats fine, she is very unsociable and will say no to just about any invite. She wants people to go to her, not her go to them. Its just really difficult, and when you stand up to her, she will use the "I will get out of everyones way and just take pills, is that what you would like me to do?" Thats the answer I have been getting for years. Just exhausting,
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Can you get your mom Medicaid approved? Have a plan in place in case mom is no longer able to live alone. If she qualifies for Medicaid perhaps she would be happy in a nursing home where she has constant attention and company during the day. She may just be lonely.
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