Mother driving me mad, any advice?

My mother insisted that the cleaning folks in her IL were still a little bit of baby shampoo each week.

My friend's mom says that her aides are stealing the container the grapes came in (not the grapes; the disposable container).

Response should be "hmmmm" or " I'll look into that".

Don't contradict. Don't argue.

I was thinking of a camera? So you could show her?
I guess if she truly believes it seeing proof wouldn't help at this point.
I know that must be frustrating,

It is sad. I hope that I never lose touch with reality. My mom started having hallucinations at the end of her life. It must be horribly confusing for them.

Could it help you to accept your mother’s behavior, as you accepted the behavior of your friend, by assuming that your mother’s outrageous actions are SYMPTOMS of her cognitive status rather than a symptom of her suspicious personality?

This is a fairly common action among people developing cognitive failure. My grandmother was obsessed by the fact that the chickens were being stolen from a neighboring yard.

Someone suffering from this symptom cannot be persuaded otherwise, and you will most likely feel worse for having tried it. You can try saying “I’ll put the cheese (or whatever) in the closet in my room (or her room) and caregiver won’t know where they are”.

Understand, nothing will stop or change her thinking, but at some future point, it may stop or change to something else.

Whether or not caregivers steal, if the thinking of a victim of cognitive impairment can’t be verified, it may be unfair to all concerned to assume anything.

I would not be so quick in dismissing your mom's thoughts. You would be amazed at the things these caregivers steal. We had one admit to stealing Applebees take out comtainers and food...she kept her job, amazing. There is so much crap that disappears from my house, it is insane. The crazy thing is the person here also does this with jewelry and money but that is always found.

I suspect a worker is stealing so the other day, I filled the K-cup drawer before the shift-35 cups, after the 4 hour shift, 4 left.

Just because there is dementia, does not mean there is not some truth to it. It is a fine line though. I would not believe it either if I was you but I have seen it first hand with several carers.

Your profile says Mom has a Dementia. If so, thats a damaged brain. Its actually dying piece by piece. What Mom is experiencing is normal to a Dementia mind. Telling her it isn't so will not change her mind. She can no longer reason. If Mom is this far into her Dementia she should not be left alone. You may want to start looking for an AL if she can afford it or LTC with Medicaid paying.