My mother does not want to go into an assisted living facility. - AgingCare.com

My mother does not want to go into an assisted living facility.

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My mother is 92 an refuses to go into a facility. My sisters and I are burning out. Any ideas?

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Teri, another thing to remember, our parents are always going to think of us as "the kids".... I am also sure my parents still thought I was 30 years old instead of being 70, so they really couldn't understand why I was so tired, unable to climb up ladders, carry heavy bags of mulch around the yard, etc.

One time I was able to not do any driving for my parents or help around their house was when I fell and broke my shoulder. I was out of commission for six months, couldn't drive because I was unable to reach down to put the vehicle into gear, etc. Heck, I was lucky to comb my hair :P So to prove a point, I kept wearing my arm sling around my parents for months on end. That kept them from asking me to do things. I was hoping they would find other means of getting things done.... nope, they just waited until I was completely healed.... [sigh].
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It all depends on what she can afford. Take her on a tour of one or two....they don't all look like 1920s insane asylums anymore. One I toured felt like I was on a cruise ship. My father just moved into one. It looks like a 5 star hotel. It isn't cheap...$4500 per month.
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What if her doctor says that she needs that kind of support now? You might explain that your back isn't getting any younger and that you want to be able to spend time talking, laughing, and having nice visits with her, rather than working around the clock.

If she's mentally sound, you can't force it on her, but, you did say that she has some dementia. She may not be able to process that you are not going to be able to continue providing her care. Eventually, someone will have to take the lead on it. Are you her POA?
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It is more expensive to do at home are. The better option is a facility which she refuses to go. Her life has only revolved around her daughters. She never made efforts for friends.
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fregflyer

Many nursing homes are still lousy.
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Then you start by hiring a housekeeper for her once a week. Get her used to one person once a week. Gradually increase the help to meet the need. Then add a bath aide once a week. Slow but sure.
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My mom is basically healthy. She uses a walker and a cane, she uses oxoger occasionally and she has a little demensia. She was always adamant towards change. My youngest sister feels she can not do it anymore but this does not change my moms mind.
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Your Mom is at the age where she remembers elders were put into "nursing home" that were asylums. So of course she would refuse to go.

Our elders aren't familiar is what is current out there in the way of Assisted Living or Nursing Homes. I know I couldn't even get my own Mom to even take time and enjoy a lunch at one of these homes to see that many of them are built like a hotel.

Teri, what are the medical issues with your Mom? I assume one is mobility, usually that happens at that age. Any memory issues or is she still sharp? If she is still sharp, tell her she now needs a higher level of care that neither you nor your sisters can do without getting hurt. Moms don't want their children to get hurt.

If you can preview places yourself and bring back brochures that might spark her interest. Gosh, there might be an old friend of hers who lives in one :)
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