My mother lived in her own house until right after Christmas when she needed to go to hospital. She has never returned home and does not remember her house, her husband (my dad passed 4 years ago), preventing her kids, grandkids, etc. She seems very happy to see me when I visit her at the memory care facility but after she "lights up" and hugs me, she immediately goes off on a tirade of all that is wrong with her and how no one understands her pain. She uses a certain word All of the time to describe or talk about anything or everything. Uses it 3-5 times in every sentence!
She and I always had a very close relationship. I am only girl. I can't seem to get over the fact that I can't figure out a way to visit, care for her, help her with her questions and somehow handle everything moment to moment. I do know that each day is different for her (and to her) but I don't know what to do! One of my siblings pointed out that he doesn't have any problems with her interactions with him while he is there. He gives me all kinds of "tips" but when I try those she becomes very mad and tells me that she doesn't like those things.
I have more details but my one sibling and I don't get along....for many reasons....and it is all an ugly mess! And I feel SO sad and lonely....I've lost my mom and it seems like all my connections to her! I love her very much but I don't even recognize her anymore. I have extreme guilt because I don't see her but a few times a week, but I am so stressed and upset after even 10 minutes with her.
I have people that tell me that I should see her everyday and spend as much time with her as I can while she is alive. Most of these people have a mom that has passed. So I listen with my heart but I think that only my husband knows and understands what is going on. The guilt is crushing! I work part-time. I do live close.
Gosh, there is so much I could put down to round it out some more. But it seems that I could write forever. I have reached out to the nurses, aides, directors of the residents, etc. but they are also seeing what is transpiring. I would like to go to the Alzheimer's monthly support group but I don't feel that I want to be in the one that one of my siblings would probably join after he would find out I was going. I feel like I am in prison! I also suffer from depression (postpartum that never went away 20 years ago) so I can't even think how to handle/organize getting her house sorted, cleaned out and ready to sell. And I know that is needed due to what she will need as time goes on....we have been working with elder atty., so that is moving along.
Got to stop. Thank you all.