My mother wants me to get her one of those fancy automatic litter boxes. She says she can't bend down to clean out the litter box. (She never cleaned it regularly before, I can't imagine what has changed. Therefore I suspect the management where she lives, an independent living facility, has made some demands that she hasn't told me about. And they haven't called me recently.)
So the real issue is that she can't take care of the cat. But I know that taking the cat away will be traumatic on all involved (me, her, and the cat). She tells me the cat kept her alive after her husband passed 3 years ago. (Kitty, I can relate! she tells me I kept her alive when my father divorced her.)
Two years ago, I moved her from her house, which was literally falling apart from neglect (she wouldn't let me help, adult protective services had to get involved), to an independent care efficiency apartment. The cat used the entire house as its litter box. She has a hoarding problem, refuses therapy. Between the cat's habit and her lack of housekeeping (they do clean her room once a week), I know it's bad in her tiny room. I've seen dryer sheets in the litter box.
I have control over her money and give her a monthly "stipend" and make sure that her rent and meds are paid for, etc. I have POA (I'm rep payee as well). I found a credit card that allows me to restrict where it can be used, which has been a great relief to me.
There is no one else; I'm her only child. She is in her (my) home state, I am 9 hours away by car, so I can't be there on a regular basis to keep track of her "reality". Of course I'm the "worst mother ever", and I tell her that I learned from the best. She is totally narcissistic and only is nice to me when she needs something. I plan to move her to my state soon; I am waiting for some benefits to be finalized. I think she needs to be in assisted living (without the cat).
She does not even remotely understand how pissed I am that they did not make a plan for their future. Any words of advice will be greatly appreciated. (Yes, I already know I should get therapy for myself! LOL!) Thanks.