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My mother has been cared for by me for 12 weeks since she fell in her home.She has had two surgeries and has been on bedrest. I have arranged home care services, respite and a visiting Dr. She has been diagnosed with thyroidtoxicosis and will not take her medicine. I give her a daily injection. I am her daughter and a Nurse. She has been having mental status changes,psychosis, paranoia and screaming outbursts, fearful, can;t sleep, weight loss. We now know it is from the thyroid disease, as well as her brittle bones, in addition to her age of 88. She locked herself in her room, then called a great niece to pick her up from home, where we both live.She told her :she is in fear for her life.??? The person picking her up at 1am told her to call the police and protective services before she arrived.The police told us that she is oriented and can make the choice to go wherever she wants. I don't know where my mother is or whether she is receiving her medicine, What can or should I do? Can they just keep mom in their home. I have medical POA, not any other POA, she has maintained her finances, mail, bills until now. I just don't know what to do,....Any help/advice is very much appreciated

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Penny, do contact that visiting doc and make sure the facility has everything. Be as helpful as possible...let them see that you have been taking good care of her. If you can, experiment for a few minutes with imagining her as someone else's mother: what does a little distance show you about the situation? Thats a technique that sometimes helps me to see a new angle, or take things less personally, or find a longer view. Sending love to all of you.....
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Thanks so much for the comforting words of advice. I know that they don't understand the medical aspect of mom's condition. They see a cast and know she can't walk yet but don't understand how this newly diagnosed severe hyperthyroidism is affecting the whole picture...I just found out last week when the home care Dr. ordered blood work then explained to mom how this is affecting everything, as well as being on confined to the house.No one knows this part of her medical status.@ jenny~ if I'm not the one suggesting is a good point. WIll the assisted living obtain this information, because it was all diagnosed recently/last week?
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You know that your mother is safe. What she has apparently told her sister is very upsetting to you, I'm sure. You know the facts of the situation; try not to be too stressed out by your mother's behavior. She does not sound like she is in her right mind. Would the placement that is being made be good for her, in your opinion? Once she settles in, perhaps your relationship with her could resume on a healthier footing. If you are not the one suggesting she get some sunshine and take her medicines and get some activity, etc. and can visit her simply as her loving daughter, perhaps that will be better for both of you.

I wish the best for all of you.
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Penny: Let the dust settle a bit. I can understand you feeling frantic and abandoned, but you've notified APS about her meds and left a message with the great niece. I am assuming, possibly incorrectly, that the great niece is taking care of her or has had her hospitalized. This is just an assumption, but one would hope that the GN has enough sense to realize your mom's mental status is in question and a medical evaluation in order.

It could also be that APS wants her medically evaluated to rule out possible abuse and that they have rules about GN contacting you until they do their investigation. I know this is hard to imagine, but maybe this is a blessing in disguise. If your mom will not take her meds and her thyroid problem is causing the mental decline and paranoia, then it may be best for her to get stabilized in an institutional setting.

I am so very sorry you are in this position. How unfair for you. This will be resolved and you will be vindicated of any wrong doing. Try to breath and stay calm. It's likely that you will not have need of an attorney, but I can appreciate how anxious you must feel.

Call APS on Monday and see if they can give you an update on your mom and an understanding of the procedures they must follow. Be open and honest with them. You have nothing to hide and they have been around the block enough times to know a concerned daughter from an abuser.

These are just my thoughts. Hope they are helpful. Take it easy and know that Monday will come. Try to relax Sunday. So sorry. Best wishes, Cattails.
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I think mom had been calling her sister in Fla and the great niece for awhile planning to leave. Mom would criticize her care. I was trying to get her to do more for herself, she is able to transfer from wheelchair to bathroom, bathe self etc. I would try to get her to come outside on our deck for some sunshine etc, she would refuse.My eldest son, who is a senior in high school, she would send to pick up her mail and she would ask him to drive her to the bank, post office etc.
Update: Mom's phone has been turned or shut off. We have been trying to reach her all week. I received a call from the hospital where she had surgery three months ago, because I am the only daughter, the contact person on every form. They were trying to fax a chest xray report to the facility that the niece is placing her, they were verifying the fax number, they told me the name of the facilty without asking.My younger son and I went tonight to see her and the administrator said she is not here yet, we haven't received all of her paperwork, it will be possibly monday. I can't believe I can't reach/see my mom. I am seeking counsel this week, it;s not cheap but I don't know what else to do. I feel like she was taken away.....it's a terrible feeling.
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The police are partially right when they say "can make the choice to go wherever she wants." She can't make the choice to go to a place that she can't afford (a lovely hotel suite), or to go where, for whatever reason, she is not welcome (your house, her neice's house, etc.), or to go to a place where she does not meet the qualifications (independent living community, perhaps),

Just as you and I cannot go where ever we want to, neither can your mother. I understand what the police meant in the context of the situation, but your mother no more has unlimited choices than the rest of us do.

If assisted living/skilled care is a viable option (she is qualified and she can afford it) that might be a perfect choice. Is it a choice she will make?

Were you suggesting that she go home after her cast is off because you assumed that is still what she wanted, or that you don't want to/are not able to have her continue to live with you after she is mobile and able to care for herself?

I'm guess I'm asking what are her realistic options?

If your niece works in a care center, she is probably familiar with this kind of irrational behavior and she should not be blaming you. It is good of her to help out in a crisis, but I hope she is also not contributing to alientation your mother from you. What is your relationship with this woman. A great-niece seems a bit of a stretch -- why did Mom happen to choose her to call in the middle of the night?

Good luck to you.
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I'm so happy you found her! It does sound like that was the reason for this episode. One never knows what will be a trigger. We had a similar situation. My dad had oral surgery, did just fine. Then I gave him an ice pack to put on his mouth & he flipped. Walked out the front door, hit me & parked cars with his cane. And stood on the corner of our very busy street, wavinghis hands & yelling, Help, help I've been kidnapped! We had to call the police & the EMT to intervene. They convinced dad to come back in out house. I gave dad a med to calm him down. That was 2 mos ago & everything is fine again. It's so stressful & bewildering. My husband & I are now worried if something will trigger another episode. You are a loving & caring daughter. I wish you well.
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I called APS and let them know about my mother's meds. I also called the niece and left a message about the medication. I found a phone number. I was arranging respite and HHA services for mom for the time she was to go back to her house. I told mom that after her visit with the orthopedic dr. she could go home. I think this was the trigger. She doesn't want to go to her home after her cast is removed and she is weight bearing and mobile. I think she was afraid I might take her home. My son informed me today, he got in touch with her, that the niece works at an assisted living/skilled facility and wants her to go there. Mom has always wanted to remain in her home. But I think this may have been the trigger.
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Wow, you poor thing!

First can you get in touch with your niece? Calmly tell her about the medicine she is supposed to take, without getting into all the other issues at this time. I doubt it will take long for Niece to conclude Great Aunt is not mentally well, so no point in trying to convince her.

If you can't get this message to Niece, call protective services, explain the situation and see if they will do a welfare check to verify that mom has her meds and who ever she is staying with knows about it and how to give a shot.

Was there any kind of trigger for this particular outburst? Is it you she is afraid of, or the gremlins that live in your walls, or what? -- do you know?

Be sure that her doctor knows that she has run away from home, and all about her changed mental status.

Good luck!
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