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Mom has complained of other attacks and wasn't believed but this time it was on video so they have to believer her. I have been the only one who takes her seriously and notified my sisters who are co-POA's via e-mail what Mom had told me. I then contacted Adult Protective services and made a report. So for the moment Mom is safe, at least that is what I have been told. I want her out of there! I have 4500 characters left so I need help and every path I take has been wrong.
A little over three years ago my mom had a stroke then a year later Renal failure and then the following year her heart went into A-fib.. Mom has four daughters all different in many ways, I am retired and was the one who Mom could talk to and who had the time to help her out. My older sister lives in Louisiana, I am three years younger than she; six years later another sister who just retired and was a newlywed. The youngest sister is a busy school teacher with a family. Family very dysfunctional with an abusive father and combative husband who passed away in 1997 and suffered from life long alcoholism. My older sister and I feared by dad as my mom did witnessing all the abuse. The little sisters were angry at my Mom for finally leaving him because it disrupted their life. Mom has favored the youngest who followed in my fathers addictive footsteps. If you were to observe them interact with my mothers you might conclude that they don't like her. They yell at her and are over all nasty to her. So after three years I am falling apart and beg my two little sisters for help. They were very angry at me for they would have to alter their lives to accommodate her. The youngest said she would take Mom and I had to insist that she come to get not send her teen aged son for there was instructions and medications and appointments. Well she came to get mom, first thing she asked was were was moms pain medications. Mom had been on narcotic pain meds for her neck for 15 years and she over the last year slowly stopped taking them with the help of a anxiety medication and anti depressant and only had 4 pills left. She was doing quite well and her heart doctor was to shock her heart back into rhythm and she would be good as new. Once her blood was thinned and she was strong enough she would be ready. Last check he was ready to do the procedure but her lungs didn't sound right, he though she might have pneumonia. A chest xray and 30 days and she would be ready. With that my sister took her away. Mom weighed 201 September 2014 which was heavy for mom withdrawing from the narcotics caused a terrible sweet tooth. She was looking healthy and happy, Mom went with my sister early February 2015 and that is when the abuse started. The sister that took her and I don't agree on most things so I stood back and allowed them to take over. It would have impossible to share the responsibility. She had a lot of family help, her husband, her son in his early 20s and a daughter in 9th grade. I let go and agreed to give her daughter a ride one a week and I could see mom from the street. I wasn't allowed in to their house with out an invitation but I could see Mom in a chair watching tv. When asked they said she was fine. What I didn't know was that the took her put her in that chair and left her there. My older sister was called the first of May and was told she better get her cause mom didn't have long, they were calling hospice. Sister came as soon as she could and found mom in a very weak state. The medical records that I could get from my doctor showed that she weighed 154 lbs, March 23, nearly a 50 lb loss she could barely walk and talk, there was little food to eat and no one would buy food. My older sister did what she could got mom to eat a little every few hours. So my three sisters were trying to figure out what to do and they decided to put her in a home. Older sister went home and the two younger ones found a place. The didn't tell them moms health conditions, according to the nurse I spoke to had no idea mom had had some serious health issues...They stuck her there it has been a fight since. My falling cutting her head open stitches needed, she continued to fall, of course out of sight I was the only one she could contact by phone. Of course they now have POA and tricked her into signing it she thought she was signing a living will. She called me crying they had taken her antidepressant away that she has taken over 20 years she had complained to my older sister she didn't feel right. Now histerical I went to her for the caregivers would only tell her the doctor ordered it. I asked them to check the records they did and sure enough they had stopped the wrong medication. It was a blood thinner that dr changed and they stopped the wrong one.....since then Mom says she has been attacked 3 times no video to prove lots of bruises..and I have been restricted for abusing my Mom based on a lie...oh gosh I'm out of char


My mother is in an assisted living facility, she was attacked by the caregiver in the middle of the night, I'm not POA, what can to do?

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You have a good heart, jeannegibbs.
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Rainmom, it makes my dignity vulnerable, but I try to give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe Ginger56 is a troll or a catfish. On the chance that she might be a befuddled caregiver, I'm willing to suspend my skepticism and try to help. I told myself I would not continue here unless Ginger56 explained about the video. Then I saw her (his?) attempt at that as a PM to me.

If Ginger56 wishes to answer my additional questions on this thread, I'll continue here. Else, I'm gone from this thread.

(It really doesn't bother me to be taken in as a fool.)
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And - participation on momlovers thread has fallen off dramatically - coincidently at about the same time this post first appeared.
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I don't know, still seems to be focusing on other things and minimizing the video tape. Personally, if there was videoed evidence of my mother being abused I would be raising a sh*t storm of epic proportions not continuing on visiting business as usual. And I would not be carrying on at great lengths here about my evil sibling and practically blowing off the attack. It is impossible for me to believe this post - at least not the attack part of it. If you are at all familar with momlovers posts you can't help but see a number of amazingly similar circumstances.
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Ginger answered my questions (way up at the top of this thread) via a private message.

"Thanks for your efforts in understanding me
There is no camera in my mothers room. She was attacked by her caregiver in a common area. The common areas are being video taped.

The Director of the facility said I did [abused my mother]. The restrictions are I can see my mom with 24 hr notice, Monday, Wednesday and Friday between 12:30 pm and 2:00 pm and only in common areas.. I want my Mother moved to another place."

It is too bad the answer wasn't made directly on the forum. Maybe Ginger56 just doesn't understand forum protocol. I'll give the benefit of the doubt.

Ginger, what was Mom doing in a common area in the middle of the night? (It does happen. It is not impossible. But it is a bit unusual, so an explanation would help.)

What does the video show? What did the caregiver do? Is he/she trying to get your mom back to her room? Did she take mom's hand? Push her down? Punch her in the head? What was the nature of the abuse that the video shows?

How did you happen to see this video? I suspect there is a backstory there!

What kind of abuse does the director accuse you of? What kind of evidence is used for this accusation?

Since there is an authorized POA, and since the director of this facility is not inclined to listen sympathetically to you, I think it would take a major effort to get your mom moved to a different place. Do you have a place in mind?

For now, your best bet is to take advantage of visiting Mom during your allowed times, and have absolutely exemplary behavior during those times.

I am very, very opposed to anything remotely resembling abuse by staff in a nursing home. I would like to hear more about that tape.
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Or not answer questions to people who don't listen perhaps? grins xx
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OhJude - no shooting yourself! I own quite a few guns but I've decided it's way too messy - goes against my OCD tendencies regarding a spotless floor! Which in itself is a joke due to two little dogs and a hubby and son who don't share my joy in that rare 30 seconds when everything is clean! Plus - think of the poor person who'd have to clean that mess up - eww! And of course there's the
possibility of surviving the shot and becoming a vegetative smuck who'd have to depend on some poor over worked, over tired caregiver like us! Better to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, don't you think?
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I get annoyed with some posters who either aren't real, aren't bothered enough to read anything that doesn't validate their position or won't come back and explain issues that are needed before anyone can comment.

Woe betide anyone who should challenge them; Well I have this comment for them

Im here, I am real, I will offer to help if I can but you have to listen and hear, I am not a professional but I am compassionate, I do have other things to do and, luckily in the UK, we have gun restrictions or I think I might just shoot meself!
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I have only been here about 3 1/2 months so I'm no expert - however, lately there seems to be a lot of post with some sort of extraordinary claim in the initial question and post but then the author pretty much wants to bypass it to rail at great length against a brother or sister who is evil - the author is always an innocent victim. I'm not sure what they are looking for, perhaps validation. But that never really occurs as the people who comment try to stay focused on the initial claim and the elderly loved one involved. I realize their are evil siblings but I'd rather not be lured into a thread by a deceptive topic. And of course their are the posts that are fabricated either for fun or for attention. Makes me frustrated and sad because this site and its participants are so helpful and sincere - truely trying to make things better for others.
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You know, my very first post here was one about my MiL and the family drama around her starving herself to death after heart surgery. You guys set me straight and told me to get past the family drama to the real issue, which was that MiL had dementia that was unacknowledged by all involved. I try to do the same for others...get to the real issue.
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Oh, and PULLEEAZE - spare all the drama and histrionics of interpersonal relationships. Just the facts, please, please!
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Add my name to the complaint list about those posters as well. They expect answers to questions that are barely decipherable, ignore attempts to provide assistance by skipping over questions, then become irate when challenged.

At that point, the "ignore" button mentally flashes through my mind.

I wonder how many drive-by posters realize that the time spent on this forum is voluntary, and while I'm sure we all gain some benefit from knowing that we're providing assistance to others, it can be time consuming, especially with some of the long convoluted complex situations which require several reads to comprehend.
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And Then, they take offense to your questioning them! We need the basic info to answer appropriately! That's all, just need the clarifications!
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Yep, me too. And they can't write, so you have to parse and pick apart every phrase to pick up any meaning. Yet some posters are too upset to write clearly at the outset, so what to do?? Beats me.
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I'm so tired of these folks who take up our time!
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"....but this time it's on video so they have to believe her". That's from her first post.

I'm simply asking her to explain that statement. I don't think it's too much to ask since it forms the basis for her complaint about the facility.
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"Mom has complained of other attacks and wasn't believed but this time it was on video so they have to believer her".
From the first lines of the post, after the title question.
Not Babalou, obviously - sorry for butting in, but I too am curious if this will ever be answered by Ginger.
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Babalou: In her original text Ginger says "Mom says she has been attacked 3 times no video to prove lots of bruises" -- am I wrong in taking that to mean there is NO video proof?
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Ginger56
You will need to also write down all the events that happened in chroniclogical order along with your listing of meds. This will help you when explaining the problem to either ombudsman or elder care. It sounds like you are so stressed that sometimes you are not making any sense. That will make those in charge think you are not a good resource.
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An antidepressant for hives? Or did withdrawing from it GIVE her hives? Please explain.

You say " I have answered all you questions to the best of my knowledge."

No you haven't, but please feel free to do so anytime.
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Ginger, reread the responses, list the questions, and find the answers. As Babalou just asked AGAIN about the video you have not answered questions asked by posters trying to help you.

Do you think we can't figure that out?

Pictures mean nothing; it could be something you picked up off the Internet.

So, reread the poster's answers as I suggested and respond.

Tell us about the alleged video.
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Tell us about the video of your mother being attacked by caregivers in the facility. That is what your original post claims. You say that you have video of that.

So when you showed that video to the ombudsman, what do they say? Are charges being made against any of the caregivers, or the facility?
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Who are you people to be so nasty. I have answered all you questions to the best of my knowledge. You aren't reading what I have written or you would have your answers. I put a picture of mom and I and my profile is linked to my facebook page. I assure I am a real person with a broken heart and trying to help my mom. I was looking to you for help? I'm sorry you don't think I am real.
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I reported poster to the admins.
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I wonder if these are those Asian catfish that are so invasive? Seems to be more than one catfish in the Aging Care channels these days.
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Big catfish. Maybe a 30 ft Channel Catfish.
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I feel duped..
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not going on this trip peeps
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That's what I thought at the outset. Let Ginger figure this out on her own.
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I notice also that Babalou's legitimate and pertinent questions haven't been answered. Yet the family dynamics are addressed extensively. hmmmmm....
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