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My mother keeps asking the same question over and over again and I can't get her to stop. The doctor told me to just ignore her. That does not work. What should I do to make her less agitated as she tries to stuff so much information into her brain with no memory?

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I have found that the best way to deal with the question is to answer it 25 times and reassure her. She has trouble with words so I hug her more and massage her hands to improve her circulation so she does not feel cold. Love, patience, a caregiver who knows the parent well and a very calm environment will improve your lives. Some patients are more lovable than others. My mother is loved by everyone who meets her. My dad, now gone after much suffering, was a horrible patient and even a whole team of nurses and doctors could not help him. When a brilliant man loses his photographic memory and analytical reasoning skills, life be comes unbearable. However, when a less intelligent person, such as my neighbor who comes in the winter, is happy as a clam that his wife takes care of everything and he does not have to worry about remembering anything because his precious wife will handle it. You can do this. I thought I could not but then I started calling the 24 hour AZ Caregiver hotline and they are very helpful.
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We have the exact same groundhog day arguments every day. VERBATIM. I guess I need to ignore.
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I'm following this post - I don't have any answers (sadly) but it is SO GROUNDHOG DAY in my world with my mother. But it isn't just questions, it's questions that, no matter how I answer, make her mad. EVERY QUESTION she asks has no 'right' answer. I am beginning to think she wants to argue for fun. :(
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My mother keeps asking the same question over and over again and I can't get her to stop.

I am not eligible for Medicaid because I gifted my assets to disabled daughter before the dementia started. Any help?

How do you know that you are really listed as the joint beneficiary on life insurance and retirement accounts as told without documentation?

My husband has dementia and thinks he is useless. What can I give him to do to help?

If assets were gifted and then spent, does my mother get denied Medicaid and if so what happens to her? She dies alone at home?
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Kind of psycho-ish isn't it? "Oh Mother"!
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Beverly, I just got through reading https://www.agingcare.com/questions/not-eligible-for-medicaid-because-I-gifted-my-assets-193669.htm where apparently you were pretending to be your Mom doing all the writing.

I am sorry, it is hard to take you seriously when you play games like that.
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Whatever you do BEVERLY, Don't use Your Peper spray on her, that just wouldn't be very helpful!
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Beverly, the doctor told you to ignore her repeated questions. You've been trying that. Doesn't seem to be working, or you wouldn't be posting, I assume.

I'm suggesting (as many others have in answer to this same question by others) that you answer the question over and over. I know that won't "work" in terms of stopping her from asking the questions.

I think there is NO solution to get someone with dementia to stop asking the same question. The quest is to find a way to handle it that is least distressing to you. Try ignoring her. Try changing the subject without answering the question. Try answering the question as simply as you can. Try saying "I don't know." Pick some approach that is least aggravating to you.

Caregiving for a loved one with dementia IS the hardest job available.

Even if Mom lives another 10 or 15 years, this repeated question phase is not likely to last that long. With luck it will go away after several months.

One thing that can help is venting to someone who understands the situation. My sisters and I do this via email after our visits with Mom. You can do it here. Pop on and say "Do you know how many times my mother asked what bank she uses during a one hour period? 18!! Is that a record? But also mention that you are venting so we don't try to solve an insolvable problems.
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Beverly, can your mom still read? One thing I've done is to write down the answers to mom's most common questions. Then I just point to the answers. Or if she asks every day, "When are we going to the doctor", write on a big sheet of paper in large letters, "We are going to the doctor in two days." Or whatever it is. Change the notes as necessary. My mom keeps a calendar and it helps orient her. I also have her write stuff on there to help her remember things. Like "Sent sister a card." But she doesn't have Alzheimers, she just has no short-term memory. It IS frustrating when they ask the same thing over and over. It can drive you round the bend!
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Thank you very much for your excellent answer. I am the daughter. A woman with dementia could never write those posts....I was just putting myself in her shoes and speaking the thoughts I think she wants to say. The doctor told me to ignore her questions. The AZ hotline told me not to give her information in advance about the calendar but she keeps asking questions. Caregiving is a very challenging job but since I am much too sick to leave the house, I inherited this job and hired some help. I just don't have the patience to deal with this and the doctor said she would likely live several more years before she reaches the end stage terminal phase of the disease. I have been working at a variety of jobs between the ages of 16 and 50 and this is the most difficult job I've ever had. At least it pays well (she traded me her assets for being taken care of at home). I can handle the scheduling, the drivers, the throwing up, diarrhea, changing the underwear, giving her a shower, making her meals, all DPOA functions and HCS functions. What I can't handle is listening to a broken record all day long especially when the doctor tells me not to answer her questions because they will never go away. His best advice is ignore her as much as possible. God help me. At least I don't have a disabled husband to take care of. I was smart enough to divorce both of those losers I was coerced into marrying. Thanks for your help. I just need to know how to become patient when I am nauseous all the time and have bursitis so it hurts to stand up when she wants me to get her something.
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I'm very confused, beverlyhegdal. Are you the disabled daughter or the mother with dementia? Different posts under this name seem to come from different points of view.

In any case, when someone with dementia asks the same question over and over, here is what you do: Answer the same question, over and over. At some point try distracting to another topic.

Boring? YES! Frustrating? YES! Loving caregiver response? YES!

Taking care of someone with dementia is a highly demanding, often-frustrating, very challenging task. Not everyone can handle it.

I am very glad you spoke to her doctor. If you think that she is unduly agitated discuss that specifically with her doctor. Perhaps a medication would help her be more calm. But I don't know of a medication that will stop the repetitive questions.

In many cases the repetition is a phase and will eventually diminish.
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