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You don't have to be abused. Is this new behavior? If so, dementia could be causing this and she needs to be diagnosed properly. There are medications that help many people.

If this is just the same old behavior, stand up for yourself and let her know that you want to be part of her life but you won't be abused. You don't have to feel guilty about that.

Much depends, here, on what the underlying issues are.
Keep checking back. Many people here have had similar issues.
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My mother has been asked to leave our house on more than one occassion because of her "needling" and crying and abusive behavior toward me, my husband and my children. My family can no longer stand tohave her around due to her basic anger and bad behavior. Now, she can't understand why no one want her to come over and why my kids don't call her because of they were "good" grandchildren, they would want to call their grandmother. I have told her repeatedly that they do not enjoy being cut down at every turn, and seeing cry and complain is not a happy experience for them. She consistantly crys "why am I doing this to her" and "I am her mother and shouldn't talk to her like that", etc... She has threatened to "call the police" on me ... threatened to "take my kids away from me" and even "forbade" us to go on vacation last summer because we didn't invite her to go with us...
I do feel guilty, as you do, but my family is miserable when she is around. I still do everything for her, such as her laundry, her pills,taking her to doctor appts, buying her groceries and taking her out on Sundays, but my family will only participate on the rare occasion and that is only to make me happy, cuz being around her makes them all unhappy.
I understand your guilt, but I know that none of us need to be made to feel worthless and that is how she treats us. It is though we are her slaves and we show bow to her every demand. She wants to know why we don't hug her and tell her how sorry we are when she cries, but since she cries ALL the time, it has become something to endure but certainly nothing to sympathize about. She has been on every anti-depressant known to man, refuses to see a psychiatrist and feels like I should be the one to make her happy.
It is a chore to be around her and I dread it more and more every time I need to be with her. If I plan something fun, like going out to lunch or going to a movie, she will find something wrong with the route I have chosen to take, or something, and then wind up crying through the lunch (at a restaurant, no less), and then doesn't get why we don't want to go out with her...
It feels very hopeless at this point.. I feel happy on her good days and think that she "has seen the light", but then by the next phone call, I'm back to being "a terrible daughter" and I could I "be so mean" to her...
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Hm, start with this, when you plan something fun, allow her to have some input. Otherwise she ends up feeling like she is being controlled - be her own child no less. People cry when they are sad or hurt. Perhaps she is not going to be easy to get along with most of the time, but give her some sense of control of her own life - even if you have to fake it.
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