Mother (95) agreed to sell her house and her car (I have POA); we sold the car and now she says she didn’t agree to sell the car. Advice?

Thanks everyone...mom is difficult (always has been)...I’ve tried to be sensitive to her situation and lack of total independence, but it’s hard. I have a wonderful elder care attorney..the house is in a different state and needs to be sold to prevent probate in two states when the time comes...mom has lots of money (which may be problematic if she ever needs Medicaid)...too late to put the house in my name...will be setting up a trust which will protect some of her assets...she is currently living in a mother-in-law apartment on our property and paying rent, so that’s helping...nothing is easy...she’s just very nasty at times.

My mother has not driven in about 10 years or more, but she and my deceased Dad with ALZ still bought a new sweet ride every 5 years. When they moved in with us, she sold me her car so I could insure it.. Its 9 years old now, but almost no miles.. she still mentions a lot about getting a new one.. LOL Its a loss of freedom I think. I told her if she wants a new car I need a new SUV and we can get the "sweet rides" model, but she is paying the first 60,000! That ended that. The current one is still by far the lowest miles we own, so to me its the newest.. But old habits die hard for our folks... And BTW it's still her car.. LOL

Forget about it, she will very soon. You can't let everything they claim affect you, if you do, you will never have any peace.

Sell the house, she is 95, time to let it go, she is not going back there anyway.

Well, since she is in AL and doesn't need a car, it was certainly the right thing to do. Just make up some "excuse" and try to change the subject.

I would still carry on with selling her house. At 95, I think it's pretty safe to say that she will not be going home again. Also likely that she will need the money to pay for her AL bills.

Somehow, you have to let her changing her mind and disagreeing with you roll off your back, etc.

Refocus the confusion. Since it's sold, can the money be used for something she would value and enjoy like a small trip or needed purchase. My mother has talked about selling her car which she no longer drives. It's such a symbol of her life that I stopped her from selling it. I thought she wants to see it's value, which to her is invaluable. I would have to find something she could not have purchased if not for the sale of the car. Be careful if you sell the house there will be capital gains tax to pay, unless there's a purchase of another home. An elder law attorney should be able to help with what is the best option in these situation. There are issues if medicaid is ever needed.

Oh dear.

You will probably get nowhere if you attempt to prove to her that she did agree. To be honest, even if you had her signature in triplicate - "I, mother, hereby authorise my child with power of attorney to sell my car on my behalf" - and showed it to her she would probably still insist that she had not agreed. Fact is, she is not happy that she is no longer a car owner/driver and she wishes to relieve her feelings about it.

So - suppose she hadn't agreed? "Too late, too late!" the cry - the car is sold. Did you get much for it? The money may do something to console her. Apologise for the misunderstanding (it's her misunderstanding, but it doesn't matter) and show her the cash. If she insists on investing it in another car... try delaying tactics.

And on to the bigger issue - so what's happening with the house?