Mother (93) has been living with my husband and I and my husband is getting frustrated with her continuous pouting over things. Advice?

It seems that this issue is a bit of a two headed coin. First off you spent a tremendous amount of money to ensure that your mom of 93 years to live with you. You expect a 93 year old to have certain appreciation for what you have done for them by not putting them into an ALF. You chose to spend this money to provide comfort for her benefit, which does not mean that your mother is or ever will be appreciative, so you need to accept this fact. Did you appreciate the home your mom/dad provided to you as a child? My guess is NO. As far as the mouse goes, no matter how clean your home is, they are looking for a warm place to spend the winter, I highly recommend traps to ensure some form of control or an extermination service. The second part of this dilemma is you seem to forget your Mom is 93 year old and you were the one that opened your home to her because of obligation? It is a change for your mom too and when we get in her age group if we are lucky enough change is much more difficult, have you thought that maybe she feels uncomfortable in your home, nothing is hers except maybe her furniture and clothing? She may feel like a third wheel and would be best off in a ALF. Care providing is a 24/7 relentless task, and should not be entered into lightly. From your message you stated that they upped her anxiety medication, leading me to believe that she already suffered from some form of anxiety and when we age many of the anxiety issues are compounded by other issues of our own immortality. I would return back to her doctor for further advice. As far as your privacy, your mom didn't have privacy when she was raising you. Either you will have to do the same as you opened your home to her which is not a bad thing, but it is no different than having children, or you can seek out alternative living arrangements for your mom such as an ALF.

I should buy a pet mouse for your side of the house. They're dear little creatures, in their place.

Seriously, though - your mother has suffered a blow to her confidence. Once you've had an infestation, it's very hard to shake the fear that every scratch and rustle you hear is the little beasties come back again (there is NEVER only one mouse, not unless it's a pet animal).

Reaccustom her to using her side of the house by bringing it into general use for a while. Watch tv there, make snacks, sit with her in her den, use her bathroom.

Used she to be a practical down-to-earth person, or was she always a bit of a Nervous Nelly when it came to creepy crawlies, rodents, snakes and the like?

What a funny story, NHWM. Loved it!

This kind of reminds me of when I was a kid and my friend’s hamster had babies. I took three home. My mom really didn’t want them but she reluctantly allowed me to have them.

Daddy took me to get a cage with a wheel, food and the wood shavings for their bed. I loved them! I played with my hamsters everyday.

I thought that my hamsters might be tired of staying in their cage and spinning on their wheel so I took some of my kite string to make a little leash to walk them around the house.

I was going to walk them one at the time so I took Oscar out first. I didn’t want to make the string around his tiny neck too tight and he got away. My mom freaked out. She used to call them my pet rodents.

My mother couldn’t sleep knowing that Oscar could crawl on her at night. I looked all over the house but couldn’t find him.

I loved ‘Oscar’ and missed him. Well, three days later she went to put on her high heels for Sunday Mass and Oscar was sitting inside of her shoe.

My mother screamed! I was happy because I knew she must have found Oscar. I quickly put him back in his cage.

When I stated "clean," I was not referring to - clean so there will not be any more mice.

I meant, "clean", so it would help with mother's thoughts of the mice being in her room.

When your children were little did you put up with pouting and crying to get their own way? I assume no. Why would you tolerate this in an ADULT? She either goes back to her room or moves to ALF. If you caught the mouse, why is there still an issue?

I like earlybirds idea. You live in the new section. Then if she complains about that, you know she used the mouse as an excuse. I have a friend that added onto to her home for Mom. A bath, bedroom and a sitting area. Mom passed the rooms just sat there. My friend started having back and hip problems. Steps up to her bedroom really getting to her. Another friend asked why she didn't use her Moms rooms then everything would be on one floor. Duh. Her husband passed and daughter and family moved in. Friend has her cozy area and shares the kitchen, her daughter has the rest of the house. Seems to work for them. Of course friend is only 67.

Mice never bothered me. Just lay traps. My Mom owned a 125 yr old farm house near a wooded area. Do I need to say more. Now a rat? That would really bother me.

Our mice are trying to move in now as well, expectations of cooler weather and a home built in 1870s make that a given. I have a nifty human trap I created myself, usually works. I find them cute. My grandson has two pet rats, so, you know.....
There are ways to address Mr. Mouse, but there is more going on here.
You and your husband will have to decide now whether to move Mom to ALF. I think 93 might be too advanced for a studio nearby. You will need to be able to discuss this over the next weeks or month, not in a time when there is mouse-hysteria, but in a time when you can calmly decide how to move forward. There will be no perfect solution. You will have a lot to consider, including what assets Mom has.
I think that spending this amount of money on having an elder move in can often not work out well as it is impossible to know whether living together can work for the entire family long term, or to predict the care that will be needed and your abilities to give that care.

I don't blame your mother. If a mouse had been living in my sofa, I would be terrified, too.

Please get a professional out to make sure there aren't any more.

Clean, clean, clean

Did you have a professional exterminator out?   I would, if nothing else, to reassure her (and if ONE was living there, there are more)

Well I would be sleeping in the next room if I saw a mouse in my sofa. She probably thinks the mouse is hiding in her room. How about talking to her and explain the situation about your husband and how frustrated you are too that her behavior is affecting your marriage and lifestyle. Her room sounds lovely and she is so fortunate to be living with you. Would it be possible to switch rooms for awhile? You and hubby take the beautiful room and give her the den and guest room, just a thought and it could work. Wishing you the best.

PerkyC

You tell her to choose. Her side of the house or ALF.

You need to mean it.

Even the most spoiled child recognizes when a situation has reached that point with a parent.

It’s already affecting your marriage. You need to find an appropriate facility where she has some companions her own age. Good luck...take care of yourself.

Honestly my first thought was just buy her a cat. LOL!! But really you have to remember that it is still yours and your husbands home, and you still have the final say. You are the ones that set the boundaries. If mom can't abide by them, perhaps it's time to bring up finding her a new place to live. You've gone to great lengths to make a nice space for your mom to live(how blessed is she?) and the fact that just because of a mouse, she now wants nothing to do with her accommodations, is kind of mind boggling. Does she suffer from some kind of mental decline that perhaps is contributing to her over reaction? From your description of her, she reminds me of a spoiled child who throws a tantrum every time they don't get their way. And at 93 she probably is very childlike, and so now you have to be the parent and set her straight, and stop letting her have her way. Best wishes.