She insisted we move into a bigger home for her, ours wasn’t good enough. She helped with the down payment. She has always been demanding and controlling. She has cancer & macular degeneration so she needs a lot of help. We feel trapped and can’t go away on trips like we would like to because she refuses to have anyone stay here with her. She thinks she doesn’t need help. Which is completely false! I miss having my own home & life back!! I know she needs me and I love my mother but this is getting harder!!
Before I went on any trips or made any large, unnecessary purchases, I would open a savings account and make deposits into it to pay her back for any monies lent to you for the house.
As to her having someone to stay there when you are gone, you can say whatever you like. You can tell her that it has nothing to do with HER but that you are hiring a housesitter to be certain all goes well at home while you are gone. PERIOD and exclamation point. This isn't her choice, it is yours. You will be gone for the weekend. You need to set some clear boundaries.
As to what she says about whose house it is, why in the world would you care? The deed indicates who the house belongs to. Whatever IT says is the truth, so why would it matter what Mom says? Let her enjoy it, tell her she did a wonderful thing. And you love her. But, hey, you are going away for the weekend. Be sure that your housesitter has sets of keys to get in and a letter from you in case Mom decides to lock him or her out.