keepingup Asked April 2020
Mother (85) will not use washer or dryer for fear of flooding. How to convince her to let reputable company take laundry?
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She's also a hoarder and doesn't want strangers to see her living area.
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You need help!!! not just for mom but you need it as well.
If (and I hope you do) get help in your mom will not like this but you tell her the help is for you not her. she can not argue with that.
If this is your home.. Your home YOUR rules!
So with the help that you WILL get mom has 2 options.
1) She can put her laundry by the door 1 time a week and it will be picked up and returned to the door washed and folded.
2) You will have your helper go into her area and gather her soiled laundry and it will be picked up and washed and then returned.
Your mom has dementia and she will continue to decline. There is a real possibility that you will not be able to care for her safely in the very near future. You are going to have to seriously consider placing her in Memory Care. This is not going to be an easy decision nor one that she is going to like but it is reality.
The 2 criteria that I used when caring for my Husband
Was it safe for HIM for me to care for him at home?
Was it safe for ME for me to care for him at home?
I told myself early on if the answer to either of these changed to NO then I would have to place him in Memory Care. Luckily for me he was compliant and I had help with equipment from Hospice and the VA that I was able to keep him at home.
So use the same criteria.
If it is not safe for YOU, if it is not safe for her she needs to be placed for safety.
This is all inclusive physical, mental and emotional safety that I am talking about.
Replace the water lines that fill the washer with ones that are a metal mesh type these are much stronger and are less likely to leak or break.
There are pans to put under a washer that will contain water if the washer does leak. Put one of these under her washer.
No way a dryer will leak. Although there are dryer fires caused by lint build up so make sure lint filter and hose are cleaned.
You say she is living in your home. Can you not take her laundry to a "Wash and fold" place and drop it off for her? Or just do her laundry yourself? I know it is one more task that you have to absorb but this is the life of caring for someone with dementia, there will always be one more task you absorb until you are overwhelmed.
At some point with dementia you can not give someone the option of doing or not doing something you need to take over and this might be the time you stop giving options in this matter.