My mother, age 85, is currently in rehab recovering from a UTI. She has dementia and narcissistic personality disorder. She was in assisted living for most of 2024 but waged a relentless, rage-fueled 10-month campaign to leave, until the facility finally kicked her out. She's been living in my house for the past year.
This recent UTI really took a toll on her physical strength and coordination. She seems to have total urinary incontinence now, and isn't able to use the toilet on her own or bathe herself. She can still eat and drink without help.
She and I have always had a terrible relationship, but I'm stuck as her unwilling guardian because no one else in the family will help (she treated them badly too).
I'm trying to figure out how much paid assistance I would need to keep her tolerably clean and comfortable at home without doing the hands-on care myself. I have a solo business to run, and -- being brutally honest -- I've had an entire lifetime of emotional abuse from her and just touching her makes me feel sick.
Can anyone take a guess at how many hours/how many visits per day I'd need from a paid caregiver to keep her acceptably clean?
(I will move her back into a care facility when she's no longer aware enough to protest. I'm just trying to bridge the gap until then.)
It's unlikely you can hire a caregiver for less than 4 hrs a pop, and certainly not one that's "on call" to keep mother acceptably clean. You'd have to hire a full time caregiver to stay with her at home, imo. Look on Care.com I guess.
If it were me, I'd get her medicated and OUT of my home bc it's a big mistake to keep her with you, for your own wellbeing.
Best of luck to you.
She emotionally abused you throughout your life. Her touch makes you sick. You are her unwilling guardian. Yet you want to care for her until "she's no longer aware enough to protest" going back in?
Respectfully, I think some therapy about enmeshment and boundaries will help you a lot.
"...no one else in the family will help" -- because they have boundaries.
There is no reason you need to rescue her until she can no longer resist -- mainly because this may not happen for a long time. There are other solutions -- you only need to consider them as such.
Don't bring her home.
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