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What will it take to keep your loved one in their home? How can I help my father stay home?

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The hardest part of taking care of a loved one to me is the one time that you have to tell them, "I'm sorry I cannot do that for you today". It makes me feel terrible but sometimes you do have to say "no".
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If right now your father is having trouble staying on his feet for cooking or cleaning, perhaps simply getting a service to come in every week or every other week for cleaning, and either you or someone else could, on a weekly basis, prepare some foods for him and freeze them so all he needs to do is microwave them for dinner. At this point it sounds like he could still fix a sandwich or cereal for lunch or breakfast.
As time goes on, you may need to reevaluate your fathers needs. He may need more care/assistance.
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Hi there,
New to this forum and I just ran across this question. To answer it honestly, I find that watching the slow progression of my moms Alzhiemer's/Dementia take a once vibrant lady and turning her into a dependent child. At times she doesn't even recognize her children, including myself. She has at times lapsed back approx. 25 years, so since none of us look the same to her as we did back then, she thinks we are others that were in her life then. So, basically the hardest part for me is to have my mom not recognize me, her only daughter.
Another especially hard thing to deal with, is the loneliness of being a caregiver. You can have all the people in the world say they are there for you, but frankly when it comes down to actually being able to depend on other's, they are few and far between. I have a brother that lives not 4 miles from us and never comes around, or does his family, while another brother is in Afghanistan and he manages to call at least once or twice per week, as well as, offers monetary help.
What I mean by few and far between, is the fact that everyone has advice and wants to weigh in on how you should do things, but when it comes down to them actually pitching in, they seem to scatter. I have one dedicated friend that has been here for me since the beginning of this horrible ordeal, and I know that I can truly depend on her for anything, and on the other hand my mother's own sisters are near by and only occasionally will try to give me a break.
People for the most part are genuinely concerned, but the reality is that they do not want to be in the caregiver's shoes EVER, and frankly often times I don't really blame them.
I hope that this makes some sense to you and the reader's. It is just such an enormous task that most seem to steer clear of obligating themselves. Whether by intentially doing this or subconciensiously, I don't know, but all I do know is that there are only certain people that will be there for you ALWAYS. You need to find those individuals as soon as possible and don't waste your time hoping and praying for help from those who dis you and responsibility.
In summary, I feel that loosing the loved one that you knew is the hardest and most difficult thing about caregiving to me. You see them slip away a little at a time and you just know it will never get any better.
I wish you all the best and hope that your situation does get better and that you do have someone that you can turn to in YOUR time of need. God bless you and your family.
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Care to manage, Well, I'm, glad to know he doesn't have any of those nasty diseases. My mom has senile dementia. I just found out what that is and what it entails. She also has depression, anxiety disorder, OCD, and hoarding. And what makes it all interesting is, they are all related. Welcome to the Wishywashy family of diseases. In reference to you your dad, I presume your dad lives alone, your mother has since passed on. I would say he's lonesome for his wife, bored and doesn't know what to do with himself, or having a clean house is an obsession, or any of the above or none of the above. Perhaps getting him interested in board games (unless they become bored games), puzzles, writing in a journal, genealogy work (that can be fascinating and frustrating at the same time). One of the things I like to do is Family Search Indexing. It's a program established by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You go online and you go online and transfer records from the original record to a form online. It's all done online at familysearchindexing.org. You have to be able to type and use a computer. It's very interesting and a lot of fun. You can see where people came from and where they went. A lot of Scandinavians came from Norway, Sweden, etc., and established themselves in Michigan, Minnesota, and Wisconsin. These are all suggestions that maybe dad would be interested in and a lot of fun. In his journal he could write his life history, and so on. What you decide and it works I hope both of you will be happy. Don't forget to SHOW him love.
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Well, I guess it depends on your dad's health. Is he able to stay at home? I am assuming that he has his own house and your hoping he does not have to go to assisted living or a nursing home and move away from his home of many years. Is this the case? If so, in home health care would be a start. It can be very costly but they do anything and everything that they need and want. That would be a way he could stay home. I am a caregiver for my mother and have been for a very long time. I can tell you it will definately change your life. I walk around most of the time with a question mark on my face but, we have to do what we have to do. I hope all goes well for you.
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Night clubs... funny. No my father is relatively fine now he is 72. He is slowing down though having a hard time staying on his feet too long (by too long I mean cooking or cleaning) Anyway, in addition to that I want to see what others with more advanced issues are facing so I know what is around the corner for us and how to stave it off.
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That's not an easy question to answer and an answer that changes as their health continues to deteriorate. My first and foremost suggestion is to start having home health care immediately. Get him used to other people helping with his care and give yourself some time away. If he is at a point that hospice could be involved, call a few hopices in your area and decide who you like best. But by all means, do not, DO NOT, ignore your own health and well being if your goal to keep him in his home becomes too much for you to handle. Good luck, Kuli
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The hardest part about taking care of an elderly parent is loving them even when they most desperately need it and wont accept it. However , I don't understand what you mean by keeping your father at home? Does he have Alzheimer's and walks off? Does he like to go out a lot, shop, go to night clubs? Does he want to move to another facility or something? This question is difficult to answer because of what is meant by your question? If you have an Area Agency on Aging I would advise contacting them and discussing your issue. I understand your problem, I take care of my mom even tho she lives a senior assisted living facility. Taking care of a parent has to be the hardest thing a person can do. I pray things will improve for you. My best.
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