More daughters take care of their elderly parents then son's, why is that? - AgingCare.com

More daughters take care of their elderly parents then son's, why is that?

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I recall on another thread where a daughter who was a CPA wasn't appointed to be the financial Power of Attorney for her parents, but her brother was and he always was terrible with handling money. It was just a case where the elders thought the son was more qualified because he was a male.

I noticed this with my own parents regarding their burial in Dad's home State... they wanted the nephew to do the planning out there, and when he had passed, I was surprised they didn't ask his equally qualified sister to be the planner. Instead my parents choose the nephew's son who was clueless about such matters.... [sigh]. It was the male vs female thing with my parents.
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Its probably because women, like mothers, have this instinct or have the traditional role of being nurturers. While men are seen to be providers. Each family is different. Sometimes the roles are reversed where the men are better at being the caregivers and the women are providers. I dont see it as a problem for how each family conducts their business as long as its working and the job gets done. That is what matters.
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I agree Jessie. I think there is such a thing as overthinking things too much. :)
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Uh, I got lost somewhere. I think my mind is too simple.
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AND another example, and I don't know why I didn't think of this first: Only Niece and Nephew 3, siblings, educated at the same school, same grades, same degree at the same university (I deplored the lack of imagination, there, but that's another story) - both went for interview at the same management consultancy firm. She was unsuccessful, he was appointed. She was livid, but that too is another story.

All is well, I am glad to say, because I am fond of both of them. He is now a Management Consultant, and she is an extremely successful teacher making rapid strides in her professional career. Both now have Masters Degrees, too.

So she spends her days developing potential in the young. She will already have dragged, pushed and coaxed upwards of 500 disadvantaged young people towards achievements they didn't know were possible.

He, by contrast, goes forth to tell companies with more money than sense how to make their businesses even more profitable, which quite frankly they should have been able to work out for themselves if they'd stuck to their business and not diversified into mysterious waters. He spends his days in meetings, or at lunch.

And guess which one is paid twice as much as the other?

Neither, however, is of a temperament that is likely to make the thought of giving up their careers for anybody more than a whimsical little joke, so I'm rather off topic. But there it is: a crashing example of weird values in society. They want looking at anew, I think.
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(I think there might be a way to go there, FF… but may we live to see it!)

I have observed - as a general rule, and what I hate most in all of these kinds of debate is the idea that just because a majority tend to do something then everyone in their category MUST do that - that more daughters do seem to be born bothered whether or not the button gets sewn on.

Then again, there is such huge variation - my older daughter spent her short career on the rugby pitch helping up players (of either team, her own and the opposition) who'd just been tackled; whereas the younger daughter not only trampled them like any self-respecting wing three-quarter would, but transferred her new scrummaging skills to the classroom - where they went down less well.

And, I remember it fondly, my father - who coached all his grandchildren from the touchline with equal enthusiasm - despaired of Nephew 1 who was, he said, the only front row forward he had ever seen *skipping* towards the ball. I suggested it showed he was enjoying himself..?

What troubles me about the cross-training idea, and the more equal and diverse spread of lifetime activities, is that to get an equal number of women and men doing the full range of options, you'd have to get more women to stop caring so much and more men to start caring more. Well all right, I don't mind the second, but I don't think the first would be an improvement in the world.

What I'd like to push for is a wholesale re-evaluation of what skills and aptitudes and qualities and work are worth. I've whined before about having calculated that my "worth" as a freelance copywriter is apparently forty times that as a caregiver, according to pay scales in the UK. So who gets hurt if a brochure doesn't get written? Why is that more important than taking full-on responsibility for the welfare of an old lady? And how can it possibly be THAT much more important?
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Well, of course more daughters take care of their parents.... aren't we born knowing how to thread a needle to sew a button?.... how to cook a pot roast?.... how to starch and iron a shirt and pillow cases?... how to use a thermometer to see if someone is running a fever?.... how to grocery shop?....and to be scare silly of bugs? Oh wait a minute, we aren't born knowing all these things.

Parents rarely ask a son to give up his career to become their caregiver... oh no, he has a family to support. Oh I heard that during my corporate career as to why a male was promoted and I wasn't, even if I was more qualified and had higher seniority.... hello, I might have a family to support, too.

I believe in future generations, everyone will be cross-trained and there would be 50-50 in caregiving between the sons and daughters.
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Come come Jessie! Or, to turn that upside down, sons aren't trusted with the really important ones? Or: "Off you go to war, I'll stay home and take care of your mother."

Dysfunction aside, the one thing I must give credit to my parents for was their unwaveringly equal regard - ineffectual parenting maybe, but unwavering and equal love - for both sons and daughters. So to me it was wholly alien to hear from two different ladies, on two separate occasions, said as though I would instinctively and naturally agree, that "of course" sons are special. ?!?!?!? And they both have sons and daughters. Both educated, both successful. What the h*ll is wrong with them????
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Or it could be simpler than all that. It may be that sons are considered socially higher than daughters, so sons aren't expected to do the lowly tasks.
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Oh yes, and Cmagnum, I believe you have "hit the nail on the head" to some extent. The relationships between mothers and daughters are complex. We must break away from mom to form our own identities, but we are so much like them in body, genes, and sometimes in soul. A philosopher once told me we all hate our mothers to some extent...they brought us into this world of duality and we can never be whole and safe again. We must wrestle with these opposites and live the "struggles and joys" which are life on our own with only moments of true oneness with others. Think about THAT for a while and then phone your mom. : ). But yes, you're right...those mom/daughter relationships are maddeningly complex.
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