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No income and dad pays for everything..He has short term memory loss and needs help with just about everthing. Has epilepsy, dementia, and recently had foot sugery to remove cancer so hes in a wheelchair for now. He moved in recently and I need resources fast! It has been good to read everyones comments as I too feel guilty spending my dads money. But bills have to be paid. What else can I do? My other sibling wants nothing to do with helping and he has his own health problems. Its really just my dad and me. Am I in the wrong?

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Some states have Medicaid programs where family caregivers can receive funds for self directed care:
http://www.bc.edu/schools/gssw/nrcpds/cash_and_counseling.html/
The only other program that will provide funds to a family caregiver is VA pension which is available to wartime veterans and eligible surviving spouse.
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Is your retirement secure? If not, I would find a job asap and find out what help DAD qualifies for.

Is there adult day care nearby? Does dad qualify for Medicaid? Do you have POA and other documents in order?

Contact your local Area Agency on Aging to find out what is available for elders in your community.
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Bad move. Get a job as soon as you can. Dad's MD can order a visiting nurse if he needs one.
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Do check out the resources on how you may be paid, as suggested by previous posters.

If Dad has income and assets, the most logical thing is for him to pay you. Or better yet, pay for some other help so you can go to work, while still overseeing his care. A day care center might be a good bet. Whatever you work out with Dad about finances, document it in writing!

How well do you and Dad get along? Other than financially, how is this new living arrangement working out? Realize that most people with dementia reach a point where it is nearly impossible for one individual to care for them in a private home. In the advanced stages of the disease it often takes three shifts of people to keep them safe and comfortable. Knowing this might make it easier to think about whether/when placing him in a care center of the appropriate level might make the most sense. This is NOT abandoning him. You still advocate for his needs, visit, and help him feel loved and cared for, but you do it as a loving daughter and not as a full-time, hands-on caregiver. I'm not urging you to do this -- just suggesting you keep the option in mind.

Dad may need full-time care for another ten or fifteen years. I know you need some immediate financial relief, and you also need to consider the big picture for the long run.

Please keep in touch and let us know how things are working out for you.
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Yes, there are ways to be paid. Yes, the Area Agency on Aging is your resource for finding out what. Two possibilities are: 1) a waiver program and 3) the Family Caregiver Support program. I discuss Service Agreements / Caregiver Contracts in my book, What to Do about Mama? They are a vehicle by which family caregivers can be paid.
Barbara M., author
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Jeanne has this spot-on.

Dad has income and savings - he should do a personal services contract and pay from his resources you for the work you are doing. This is done all above board, with W-2, I-9 and builds your SS. You are working for free right now and that is just not what you want to be doing for the next decade +.
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i dont see anything wrong with family providing caregiving as opposed to commercial providers . its a proud gig that you will always feel good about . if you get a caregiver contract drafted up you wont run into medicaid or estate problems later and your cost will still be a fraction of what AL or NH would charge . i would charge dad the minimum that you can get by on so youll keep the tax obligation down . if your dad saved money this is what he saved it for . i never ended up having to charge my mom anything but when the caregiving got to be full time she covered my scant bills for me .
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Fast funding is probably not going to happen. If you can register him for a waiver program or family caregiver program, it will take 6-8 weeks to complete the process. Then another two weeks before a paycheck arrives. Everything dealing with the government medical services is very slow. So please budget carefully till you can get the help you all need. I actually DID NOT quit my job because the waiver program only one third of the pay my regular job paid. So we hired a young lady for the waiver program and I kept working. And I used some of mom's money to help pay for extra help such as when my husband and I wanted to go out or I just wanted a girls day out. Good Luck.
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Often daycare centers only have programs that are 8 AM - Noon, at least around where I live. There is one senior day care that is open until 4 PM and offers transportation and charges on a sliding scale. Check them out. Hopefully you will have better luck than I had.
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This may not be that helpful. My mother needs 24 hour care now and she has been with us about 1.5 years. I have only requested she pay a for food and some for the electric heat as she has the sunroom with baseboard heat and it is very expensive, especially in winter. Nonetheless, she does quality for Veteran's Home Dependent Care and although it took awhile to get (she gets approx. $1200 a month) and I pay myself $500 a month from this to offset help we provide to her for her to live in our home. When I went to visit assisted living places, they charge $500 a month just to order and administer the medications. So I am documenting those services per the Veteran's Administrator who worked with me since I provide that service each month. My mother has never been one to be generous and it is like pulling teeth for her to pay a little towards the food and electricity/heat each month so her investments and her social security just increase.. I think it is perfectly fine that you get paid for the work you do for your father as the price for other living arrangements would be much higher. I think those that responded to you are dead-on. You need to also look after yourself, your health, your finances, and your future. Is there a support group for dementia caretakers? I would suggest going. They would give you tips on other services/finances, etc. in the area to help you. I have also contacted an in-home provider, and have all the paperwork set up so if my husband and I need a caregiver, the person will come and get paid from the VA funds. This is a relief to us since (although there are 2 of us) we never go anywhere together (one person is home at all times) and it can get extremely wearing especially on mom's worse days. Since my mother has limited funds and since she wanders, she now qualifies for a memory care facility and in WI we found a site that does not require 2 years of personal funds before Medicaid kicks in. She will be going there Feb. 1st although she does not know that yet nor will she probably like going. My husband and I have done so much for her but we are in retirement and it is important for our health (physical and mental) that she live elsewhere as she nears a steady decline in her mental state. I do feel guilty at times, but I know that we have done our best (I have 4 siblings who live out of town and 2 have done a little more than the others) but since they don't have her living them 24/7 they really don't understand all of the issues. So check out some of these leads and see what can be done. I wish you well.

Take care.
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