Some days I just feel sick to my stomach. Between all the bills I have to pay for my parents, my mom keeps asking for spending money and won't tell me what she wants to spend it on. I ask her to let me know and I'll pay for whatever she needs on a case-by-case basis. (Ex: I pay her hairdresser directly.)
Before she went to the NH, she has always given people money or overpaid those who run errands for her. When I asked outright if she was going to give money to "so-and-so" relative she wouldn't give me a straight answer.
In CA, the allowance for Medi-Cal is so little so I come out of pocket for other needs -- grooming and such. She doesn't like the absorbent pampers the nursing home supplies so I buy for her out of pocket the ones she prefers. I pay for special restaurant meals when she complains about the NH meals and skips eating. And I pay for whatever small comforts she asks for. And no matter how much I explain how Medi-cal payments work she doesn't understand and thinks I'm just taking her money for myself.
I feel guilty when we fight but our angry conversations just keep coming to a draw. I can't explain finances to her anymore. She just says, "I don't understand. Just send me the money." Last night she kept yelling for me to send her $300. She's mostly bedridden and doesn't leave the building ever! It's like talking to a stubborn child.
I can't balance the guilt and the frustration. How do you cope?