In my Mom's will she is dividing everything between my sister and I, including her house. Any advice?

Ever since I read your question you have been on my mind. I feel compelled to answer although I doubt you'll find any comfort in my answers. That said I'm hoping it will give you some things to think over and perhaps help you in the long run. I don't think you'll have any success contesting your mothers will. People have the right to leave their estate to whom ever they wish in whatever proportions regardless of what seems fair or right to anyone else. Grounds for contesting are usually based on validity. Was the person competent/in their right mind when they made their will and/or were they unduly pressured or tricked by someone else to make the choices they did. Often parents want to treat their children equally in their wills and which child gave the parent the most care or attention is not a consideration when the wills are drawn up. But I ask you this - have you considered what owning a house by yourself would entail? Once a house is owned outright the expense doesn't stop there. There are property taxes which can be a few thousand dollars a year or more. There is home owners insurance. You mentioned not being able to do too many chores - who will do the up keep of the house and yard? Then there is the expense of general upkeep. You allude to being strapped for cash - roofs usually need replacing every 10 - 15 years and that certainly is in the thousands of dollars. What will you do when something goes wrong with the plumbing or the furnace, the water heater etc? And trust me - something is always going wrong! Who will look after your house and you when you have heart surgery and are recovering? And lastly - as you get older and with your heart condition will you be safe living in a house alone? You've mentioned no one else - I'm assuming it's just you and your mom. I'm sorry to sound so negative - but as the mother of a disabled adult son who could never live alone I hope you would consider this alternative: when the time comes would you and your sister sell the house instead? Then you could take the proceeds along with the cash your mom leaves you and rent a great apartment. Almost all your home maintenance would be someone else's responsibility. You would have less work as well when it came to the day to day chores that maintaining your own living environment would require. I can't help but think you would have a much less to stress over in a smaller, more manageable living setting. Maybe even consider purchasing a small condominium that would be more suitable to your needs. I wish you the best - good luck :)

If you want to relieve your stress, then accept the terms of mom's will. When she passes, her home will be sold and the proceeds, after expenses, will be split between you.

Now, if mom has other assets in cash or insurance, it's always possible you will inherit enough from her other assets to buy your sister's share of the house and have ownership. Do you have enough income to pay the real estate taxes, insurance, electricity, heat, etc etc?

So,eti,Es we have to be careful what we wish for.

What the HECK is So eti Es? That's supposed to read sometimes.

Well, at least you know the terms of the Will in advance. Are you your Mother's caregiver, or are you and she together for financial convenience? Is she still of sound mind?
If you are caring for your mom I think you have a case for asking for a greater share of the inheritance. Sit down with your mom and calmly explain your concerns and what you feel is fair. Of course, if she ever needs to go into a nursing home then there may not be any estate to worry about, if you are willing and able to prevent that then that only strengthens your case.

It is never better to contest a will after the event than to discuss it openly beforehand.

I feel for your situation, and the awkwardness of it, and the conflict between common fairness - the 50:50 split, as your mother instinctively sees it - and actually equitable treatment as it applies to your and your sister's different circumstances.

The solution involves a highly delicate piece of diplomacy: asking your mother to consider what the future holds for each of her daughters, and to think what she can do to ensure that you are both taken care of according to your different needs. And the difficulty is that, if you introduce the subject, it necessarily gets off on the wrong foot.

So… Can you think of anyone you might ask to raise this with your mother? Someone who knows all of the family, will understand your point of view, and is trusted well enough by all of you to act as a kind of broker?

I agree with Rainmom. This really isn't your call. There are a HUGE number of people that are live-in caretakers for their parents that get no compensation or expect anything in return. I suggest you start looking into subsidized housing for the disabled & get on a few waiting lists. Not only will all maintenance be taken care of, but the apartment will already be "outfitted" for a elderly/disabled person (things like handrails next to the toilets, shower stalls that are easy to get in & out), AND the rent will be based upon your income, making it affordable.

Whatever assets are your Mom's are HERS. It's her decision how it is distributed - her motivations are really nobody's business.

Pfontes, what you say is perfectly true: it isn't for anyone to dictate to a person what she does with her will, I agree. I further admit that this is the attitude I took myself, declining to find out or discuss what decisions had been made and preferring to rise above it. But I also feel that my attitude, while all very well (and the line of least resistance), was naïve to the point of foolish on a practical level.

The practicalities are these: the OP's mother has an opportunity to see that on her passing the distribution of her capital can provide a reasonable level of security for both of her daughters; the disadvantage - which may be a deal-breaker or may not, depending on her feelings - being that it would involve giving one more than the other. But she's not the figure of Justice, sitting blind-folded with a set of scales in her hand. She can see what lies ahead, and what the different needs of them are. She can do something about it if she chooses to. I don't see anything wrong with putting that to her in the right way, while still leaving the choice absolutely up to her.

Kathylee, some wills stipulate that if it is contested by an heir, they get disinherited. Your mother is doing the fair and equitable thing on her estate
You have no legal grounds for contesting the will under the circumstamces you stated.

CM put it so much better than I did, but the message is the same. The OP shouldn't be afraid to raise what seems to me to be a legitimate issue. I would hope that she and her mother are able to sit down and discuss this reasonably.

I would add a caveat, if Mom is adamant that there be no changes the subject needs to be dropped permanently, and using their living circumstances to exert undue pressure on mom through fear of reprisals is of course totally inappropriate.

I want to thank everyone for their prompt answers, I am not totally alone, I have three grown sons with families. In fact my mother asked my middle son if he could sell his house and move in with me after she passes. He says he will do that, but he and his wife( who does not want to move here) are not getting along, thats another whole story, which I won't get into. Essentially he would pay me rent, he does not want to buy this house. I also have investment income due to an inheritance that I received from my fiance. That would probably go very quickly If I have major cardiac surgery. I had a very good job as a postal letter carrier, but after a heart attack, I was never able to return to work, but I have to be thankful that I had enough credits to receive SSD. Things could be a lot worse, I'm not totally alone, but I no longer enjoy great health. My fiance and I had planned to get married, he lived with my mother and I and he took care of her as good as any son when she had her hypoglycemic attacks (there have been many) He would prepare the glucogon injection and I could give her the shot. We worked as a team, but now after his demise 2 years ago, I deal with it on my own, I have essential tremor so I'm not able to do the glucogon thing, I simply call 911. The last attack (she was unconscious) occurred three weeks ago, and I am still upset by it, I thought for sure I was going to lose her before the ambulance could get here. It seemed to take them forever. She bounces back pretty quick, God love her. She's a pretty tough old gal, infact her cardiac ejection fraction is better than mine, hers is 78, mine is 68. This is the home I
grew up in, I can't imagine living anywhere else. I have been all over the world as a Navy wife, but that was eons ago. My sons all live 30 minutes or more away from me. But, if my sister lived here, it would be so much different. She's always thanking me for all I do. We are very close in age, (she's 63) but she is definitely the healthier one.

Many good points have been raised here. Just repeating some, I think the financial and physical upkeep of your mother's house is more than you can physically handle, given the numerous physical issues you raise.

I would think about investigating alternate sources such as subsidized housing so that you can plan for your own life without anticipating staying in your mother's house after she passes, especially since you won't have the resources to buy out your sister's share. So keeping your mother's house just doesn't seem like a feasible option.

And whether it is fair or not, it is your mother's choice how to divide her property. Another concern is that your post is slanted toward what's the best for you, rather than for your mother as well as concern that I would expect you to have for her. I'm not saying you don't have it; it's just not coming through in your post.

If you sister were to buy out your share, however, you would have funds to support yourself and perhaps better your living situation.

The options aren't 100% desirable either way, but ask yourself what's the most realistic? Trying to eventually keep up a house with multiple physical issues as well as the burden of a possible mortgage, homeowners insurance, home repair, etc., or allowing your sister to buy you out which provides a financial source which can help you maintain an acceptable level of living given your physical disabilities?

I'm happy to see others responses as they certainly offer you other options and other things for consideration. I have to agree that your best bet is to talk frankly to your mom now and see if you can get the will changed. However I stand by my comments - I have never heard of a will bring successfully contested based on need. As well if there is no legal contract or even a verbal one regarding compensation for care given - well, no one is forced to care for an ailing parent even if it feels as if we are. My moms will dictates an even 3 way split. I do 90% of what my mother needs and I am also the one who has the greater financial need. We get by fine for now but hubby has two heart conditions and who knows how much longer he'll be able to work. I had to quit a great job I loved 15 years ago to care for my disabled son. On the other hand both my brothers were able to retire early. Their children are grown and living independently. Both their wives continue to work at very well paying jobs. One brother has 2 million dollar homes - his vacation "cabin" is worthy of a Street of Dreams home. He helps out somewhat. The other brother sees my mom roughly 4 times a year even though he's retired and lives about 20 miles away. It does irk me that he will receive the same as me in the end - I'm the executor and I'm sure my hand will shake as I write his check - but...it is my moms money to will as she wishes. I do what I do because I feel it's the right thing - no hopes or expectations of getting a bigger piece of the pie.

Rainmom raises a point that I forgot to address. I was shocked at what seems like a blatant self interest expressed in this statement:

"Would t be better when my mother dies for me to just contest the will on the grounds it would create a financial hardship for me."

If you really feel it creates a financial hardship, the more appropriate option is for you to relinquish your share (other than accepting as I wrote earlier a payout from your sister).

To contest the will's bequests, I believe you'd have to file suit. Given your stated financial limitations, how would you plan to pay an attorney to file suit on your behalf? And frankly, from what I've seen of contested lawsuits, there are far more substantive issues addressed than what constitutes a hardship on an heir. The solution would be to simply relinquish that which creates the hardship.

I hope I'm not misinterpreting your intentions.

This reply is mainly for Gardenartist, you obviously only wanted to read my post the way you obviously read it, noone has cared more for my mother than I do,
you have no idea what it's like to live with someone who has repeated hypoglycemic attacks because she chooses to eat things she shouldn't eat or not follow her physician's advice. I am all worried out at this point and if I were to die tomorrow, I have no regrets. I have given all I can give emotionally and most people with the problems I have wouldn't have done this good. And as the saying goes, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all? I was asking for advice , not to be judged.

Kathylee53, my advice to you is to forget about contesting the will.

Have you discussed your concerns with your mother? Has she explained her reasoning about the will? If she is of sound mind, she can change it at any point, you know.

My personal view, and one I often express here, is that the child who is doing the caring should be compensated for that while it is occurring. It makes no sense to me to put that off until after the parent's death. For one thing, there is seldom a large estate to leave to anyone after a chronic illness.

So, you do certain things to care for your mother, and because of your own health there are certain other things you cannot do. How is your mother compensating you for the care you provide? Are you living there rent-free? Does she buy the groceries? Who pays utilities? If she is compensating you in these way, and you accept that as fair, then she doesn't "owe" you more than she owes your sister when she dies. If the way the household expenses are handled does not satisfy her "debt" to you for your caregiving, then that is what you need to work out now. Perhaps she should be paying you a monthly amount (that you could tuck away for future needs). Or perhaps she should change the way the household expenses are paid, to give you more in that area.

I do think that when one child does a lot of work and other children are not involved, that one child should be fairly compensated for it, not in a will, but in the present. (That may mean there is less to distribute in a will. So be it.) I don't know enough about your circumstances to guess whether you are fairly compensated.

I think you need a better plan than contesting the will. I can't imagine what the grounds would be.

Thank you Jeanne for responding so kindly. I don't expect compensation from my mother, as I live rent free. We share grocery expenses, and I try to prepare most of the meals except breakfast which she likes to make for herself. Years ago when I left an abusive husband and came home with my three children, I got a job and I paid my parents 240.00 a month for many years, but after I had my first heart attack I was forced to leave my postal job. At that point my father had already succumbed to a heart attack, so there was only Mom, myself and my three boys. You may find this hard to believe, but my mother continued in her job after my father's death (she was 62 at the time) as a transportation aide to autistic children up until her 83 birthday. She loved her job, and those children, but she was ready to retire. I felt bad that I wasn't able to work, and here she was working into her eighties. She pays the utilities and my middle son fixes things that need fixing. My children remember all that my Mother and Father have done for us and always come when we need them. My mother's sister (who is 93) told my mother that she should leave the house to me because my sister already has a house, but It's my mother's decision in the end.
We split our other expenses down the middle , like cable t.v and when I'm too tired to cook sometimes we'll go out to dinner and put it on my credit card. She also has 8 cats to care for. She's taken in strays ever since I was a kid, she loves animals. She just spent over 800.00 on one who has feline aids. She wants me to have them all put to sleep when she's no longer here, because she doesn't think I can manage them. When I was young, before I even found out I had a congenital heart defect, I used to fantasize that I would die first, because I couldn't bear the thought of her not being here. I am thankful that she has 3 health insurance plans(medicare, my father's, and her job's insurance) because she will never end up in a nursing home, visiting nurses and home health aides will come and do anything I am unable to do. Thank you again for your response

What's Sis think about the house part? Since it's been in the family so long, she may well want it to stay in family hands for sentiment sake. Maybe she's already decided when the time comes she'll sign her part away to you, but is sitting back not making any waves right now. That is what I'd be doing given those circumstances, you living there, needing/wanting the home, me off elsewhere and not needing the home. Only thing I might be thinking on the flip side if I were her, would be what if something happens to my own health/marriage down the road?Would I have enough to be ok too if I forfeit some or all of my share of the house. Then would wonder about the tax situation, would it be taxed twice if it changed hands afterwards? Things to think about, talk about before hand if you all can.