Mom's weight is down to 85 lbs. What can I do?

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Yogagirl, thanks for the update. I sense you're a strong person, committed to providing the best care for your father under difficult circumstances. I wish you well, and hope that your journey with your father brings rewards for both of you, despite the challenges.
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Thank you Garden Artist for your thoughtful response. Dad's dysphasia is permanent, sadly. I have taken him to a good speech/swallow therapist who ordered floroscopy swallow studies. Even his own saliva has to be wiped from his mouth. Dad has endured several bouts of aspiration pneumonia. He was on life support for 30 days once. Miracle he survived. You are so right about the social aspect. Holidays and socializing tend to revolve around meals. But, at least my sweet dad is not in any pain. He was a loving, kind, generous, father. When I looked up the feeding tube option two years ago, it was the best one for him. I'm now exhausted caring for them and running their home. They insist on staying in the family home of 52 years. I take them to Dr appts bring the grand kids, hot meals to mom, run their finances, and out for a movie day with the nurse to help me. He's lovin' the Dodgers. Mom is more problematic. My sister and I resent her. She was always mean. She has made several of the lovely nurses cry or quit. The nurse is only for dad, as he can not be left unattended for more than a moment. I stay upbeat and tell funny jokes in front of them. It could be worse. It probably will get worse.
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Is your father's aspiration due to a condition which can be remedied? Having been through using a feeding tube, I know how devastating it can be for someone to accept that he will never eat real food again.

When this happened to my father, I did a lot of research on the condition and was shocked and stunned when I found a forum for people with dysphagia and read that a little child of only a few years had a condition which required him or her (I don't remember which) to be trached and use a feeding tube all his/her life.

It was depressing enough to think that my father would never eat again (although he did recover) but the thought of that poor little child never eating real food really depressed me.

I don't know if the "it could be worse" approach would work with your parents. It sounds as if your mother is declining because of your father's condition.

Can you use any kind of music therapy to help cheer them up? I'm a strong believer in the power of socialization, art and music in situations where people are declining.
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Have you tried Ensure?
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My mom recently lost weight. She is in a NH. I make sure she has her favorite food, peanut butter and jelly and a Coke with every puréed meal in case she doesn't eat her meal. It's working.
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It sounds like they will both need an increased level of care, if not immediately then very soon. I understand why we resist the changes necessary toward the end of life, but would it not be better to get them placed now than wait for a crisis or god forbid have one of them die from something preventable? If all she she needs more social interaction and to have her meals prepared for her then a facility can provide that, and there would be help close to hand 24/7.
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Thank you for your caring response. Mom is 78 has dementia and is frail. Dad is 90, has late onset parkinsons and is on a feeding tube. They live at home with a part time housekeeper and CNA for dad. Mom started losing weight when dad got the feeding tube due to swallowing issues that led to aspiration. I feel guilty that I can't always be there and she waits for me to eat with. She used to go to restaurants with dad and friends and meal time was social. Now she has dementia and is lonely.
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Have you contacted Hospice? I know that is a big step and a difficult one, but they will hold your hand as well as hers. Don't try to go it alone. I could not have gotten through without them.
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