Mom's visiting for holidays and can't care for herself. She lives alone. I'm scared to send her back but struggling to care for her. Advice?

Actually, it is not unusual for individuals with bipolar illness to develop many physical problems with age. May be the emotional component of the illness or other issues; it is not known. However, she is certainly beyond your ability to care for her. Feeling guilty just interferes with making the best decision for her (which will be for you as well). As she is not able to cooperate with your care, you are not the best resource. I am afraid you have been left with a problem by your family, siblings and mother. Please follow thorough with the recommendations, and if an opportunity to hospitalize her comes up, grab it. And DO NOT BRING HER HOME to you after she is hospitalized. Let the social workers determine the best solution. And be aware, there are probably no good solutions. But you say that has been the case for a long time, and not something you caused.

I would call APS for wellness checks in her home when you need to. As she has bipolar much of this is completely out of your control. We used to place people with mental illnesses who were a danger to themselves, but that is very rare now, and mostly they are left to their own devices unless danger is severe and imminent. Given there is almost nothing you can do about a mental illness she is being treated for, and given she is competent in the opinion of the medical community, you are helpless. Try to visit. Try to access APS to check on her. Unfortunately, with the mentally ill this is often the case. If you look at the homeless and the incarcerated mental illness is rampant and unaddressed by our nation. It is sad, but I think you will make no headway. The mentally ill are often stablized in hospital settings, then go home, do not take meds, and are ill again. For those with bipolar the manic end of the situation is the feeling they "prefer" and they are loathe to medicate it away. The drug cocktails only work when taken.
I suggest that you join groups that support those dealing with mental illness in the family. That is where you can get the best advice, and unfortunately, realize your own helplessness. Not everything can be fixed, and this is one of the saddest situation.

I am sorry to say this but your mother is one hot mess due to her health condition.

You are not trained to help or treat her condition. Your house is not equipped to handle her condition. The result: she destroyed your house in a short time, and she is destroying you.

Be logical. Not emotional. Do not take her in.

If she wants help, she has to agree to go where there is help.

Since she can still make her own decisions, she needs to see her doctor to straighten out her meds, and go live in an AL where she can have help. If she doesn’t go, then she will continue to live in her own mess.

You can not help her. By trying, you only destroy yourself.

Quite often what happens is that family members must wait for what is considered a catastrophic event.
Unfortunately some do not recover from this event and for others the event is life changing.
Options for your mom at this point if she is willing to transition to Assisted Living facility where someone would help her and manage medications. She would have help with other “ADL’s” ( Activities of Daily Living)
If she needs medical car that is beyond AL staff the option would be Skilled Nursing Facility.
If she refuses all this it is possible to contact APS or her States Elder Abuse hotline she would be evaluated and if it is determined that self care is an issue it may put in motion events that may come to having you or a sibling made her Guardian. If no one wants to do that (and it is a monumental task) she would have a court appointed guardian and be a Ward of the State. No easy choice for you or your siblings.
And you are correct with any mental illness YOU can not help her.

Madishka.

You did not cause Mum's mental and physical health issues. You are also not responsible for fixing them.

You have not done anything wrong.

Do not entertain for even a minute having Mum move in, no matter what she says.

I would also be taking photos so you have evidence of the toileting issues. Not of Mum's private, but just the mess she is making.

If she is going to stay for a while longer, you need to get her into Depends or another adult absorbent under garment. Get Puppy Pee Pads and put them on every chair that she sits on.

It maybe an idea to have a Needs Assessment done while she is at your home. Where you can explain what she is and is not capable of doing.

I am in Canada and mental health is underfunded. I had a family member in the hospital with a psychotic break this past spring. There are no supports for the family and yet we are expected to provide care once the person was released from hospital.

Send mom back home, call APS and report self-neglect. Tell them everything that you've written here.

This has gone way too far and it's time to get the state involved with her care. Sure, you can provide some care, but who is going to take care of you when you get sick from all the stress of trying to manage her life? It's too much. Another thing is that bipolar people can get verbally abusive.

Also, you don't need your home smelling like a toilet trying to manage an individual like this. Is there any reason for the incontinence? Bipolar disorder doesn't cause this. It sounds like she needs to be hospitalized so that her condition is controlled by the proper meds and lab work that is required to gauge how medications are working. It sounds like drug abuse is at play here.

All you can do for her is make a call to APS and tell them she's an at-risk, vulnerable adult.
62 isn't elderly. Your mother has to take some responsibility for her own health and well-being.
She can't feed herself? I think some of it might be your mother putting on a performance for you by acting worse off than she actually is. She probably wants you to invite her to stay. If she lives alone as you say and cannot feed herself, she'd starve to death.
Your siblings have it right by establishing strong boundaries in their relationship with your mother. You should do the same.
Send her home. Make a call to APS and to the local police department in the town she lives in. The police will make regular welfare checks on her. Good luck.

Since your mom suffers from bipolar disease, she might best be served by Adult Protective Services or similar organization near where you live. Report the problems you noticed during her visit to the local authorities where she lives. It appears that she may benefit from living in a structured environment - group home or residential facility - that can handle her psychiatric-behavioral problems.

Madiska220: Imho, your YOUNG mother should visit her primary care physician for starters. The PCP should be able to recommend a dietician to get your mother's weight under control so that she can have the required knee surgery from her orthopedist. Also, a visit to her psychiatrist should be scheduled.

You can discuss getting POA with her if she is compos mentis enough, and if so get that sorted - making sure its the one that continues if she loses mental capacity and covers both heath and finances. Then send her home and see how she manages for a week, whether she feels that she needs some help. Having been with you she may feel there are areas that have been better for her having someone around. Then decide whether care in her home or assisted living is better for her - or which she is willing to have. Facility living offers a much better opportunity to socialise but that comes at the cost of not being in her own home. Once you have seen how she copes and she has told you how she felt with you rather than home on her own a family conference is probably needed if you want to take your siblings with you. Alternatively as they are closer one of them could get the POA. Its very hard to know what is best until you see her back in her own home. Good luck.