Mom's unhappy in my home. What do I do?

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18 months ago my husband and I took the plunge to move my parents in with us and our three young children (currently 1, 3, 5). At the time my parents were struggling to make ends meet, they were caring for a severely autistic 12 year old with some challenging behaviours and physical needs, it was getting harder and harder for them to care for him (baths, hygiene) as he was quite larger than them. They also provided chikd care for other children in their home during the day, my dad is 74 andmom 62, so not elderly but certainly at a point where they're lifestyle was getting too much. At one point, my father got sick, unsure if he would make it, mom needed support with the kids, foster child etc. Caring for my own kids, trying to support them, I felt like change was needed that would allow a more manageable life. Dad was also diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment, glimpses of which are evident daily, he gets confused, forgets things here and there etc. Anyway, mom was very resistant to the idea, she fought it and refused, then gave in but I still recall tge tears and hurt she had those first months. Mostly the pain of selling her house and moving from her friends. This has given them the opportunity to travel, pay off debts, live a gentler lifem have no bills except for their phone and cable. I really thought they would welcome the opportunity but instead money is not enough, they are tight for money (not sure how) , mom is miserable, dad seems happier but mom definitely cannot accept her life, she bresks down cries, what did she do, she hates how she is living (in law suite, own bathroom, own kitchen etc.own entrance ) basically its not her own house, it is still a basement and not enough, she barely gets out but stays in the basement, watchestv, says that grandkids and her kids aaren't enough, she misses her friends (a 30 minute drive which is too far for her) her social life and I really just don't know what to do. She'd like us to buy her a house in her old neighborhood, but I don't know how we're supposed to find money for that but I get it after being a homeowner it is hard to go back to renting, but what do I do? I think given staying or renting she'd stsy out of pride , to embarrassing for her otherwise. I just don't know what to do!

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yes I know chicago1954 that is what I am dealing with, to be fair though, I know she is young but my dad was no longer in a position to continue on with everything they had going on, the house was needing maintenace as well, we looked at other options, going to an apartment, taking on a boarder etc. trust me , this was not the first thing we wanted. In the end, I love her, so much, I wanted her to be happy, she has worked to the bone for the past 30 years!
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I am 60. You forced your mother to do something that she didn't want to do. I would go nuts in a basement with 3 young children around, too. Is she even old enough to draw her Social Security? I would have told you to go fly a kite.

You need to figure out where their money is and get your mom, back to her home.
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You need to talk to them about brass tacks.

What is their income?
What capital do they have left?
(and I mean numbers, not 'oh we'll get by')
How would they like to occupy themselves, being both too young to sit in a rocking chair all day?
If they're serious about wanting to move to their own home, what are their options? (Apart from your buying them a house. And why on earth would you want to do that?)

Your mother is very shaken up, very depressed, and seeing everything in a jaundiced light - that's why she can't stir her stumps enough for even a 30 minute drive, plus she probably feels out of touch and visiting your old neighbourhood isn't the same as living in it. I wouldn't agree this is a matter of her thinking retirement would be fun and then getting bored - she never liked the idea, did she? Presumably she agreed because of your father's ill health and the strain he was under.

Also, her busy life, where other people needed her, has ground to a very abrupt halt. And we all know as parents that the fulfilment you get from your own family is a totally different thing from that which you get from status vis-a-vis the outside world. She needs a job, girl! Could she work in a nursery or a school, or even a care home?
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I don't know that your mom has dementia, but it would be a good idea to get her a full physical check up. It sounds like neither of your parents has been very responsible, which puts a huge burden on you, if you choose to pick it up. I'd look into moving them back into a rented place in their old neighborhood if possible. They should get social security, which should help. But I'd set some good boundaries or they'll suck the life out of you with their demands because of their irresponsibility. But get your mom checked to see if she's cognitively sound, so you know what you're working with.
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I thought the same thing. If you give in and buy them a house or rent them a place of their own you're going to be the one paying for it in the long run and not just financially. The cleaning, cooking, and general upkeep will all be on you and with little kids in the house it's much easier on you to care for them in your home. pam's right, if they strike out on their own they'll create a mess that will become yours to clean up.
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Miamii, they both have dementia, neither one can provide for themselves and they see foster care as a cash cow, which is a really bad idea. They can no longer handle their finances, which means they won't pay the rent or utilities, making a real mess. They need to accept where they are, it is of their own making, their own bad decisions. Don't bail them out of this, it's like flushing money down the toilet.
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You basically helped your parents retire. It was fun for a while, a few trips and the novelty wore off and mom is bored. She is no longer queen of her castle. Dad is probably OK as long as he has someone looking after him.
Some people do not really plan or look forward to retirement. She misses her old neighborhood, she misses her independence. My guess is you moved her somewhere more upscale where she has less in common with the neighbors and cannot engage in walking to the neighborhood store if she wants.
I come from a culture, perhaps the same as you, that encourages multigenerational living. My personal experience is that every queen needs their own castle, for as long as they are able. 64 is probably too young to become a dependent under someone else.
A lot of people have second thoughts after a life change. Firmly tell her that she spent her money and that you will not be buying her house. If their income supports it, I would not oppose renting, I would even plant the seed. Buying a house, even if affordable, at their age if too restrictive, their situation may change.

Sounds like mom is not much of a planner, seize making plans for her, push her to make her own. Even if the plan ends up being that she cannot afford another option, so SHE chooses to stay at your place.
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I never thought she could have issues, I know my dad can, yes they apparently have spent a lot or most of the money from the sale of their house, it's all been used on their terms, they have taken my siblings on trips, given thrm money etc. Noe mom is unhappy, she wants to start childcare in my home, wwhich I cannot allow and I have no access to their accounts/find out what's happening as they won't allow. We aren't in a position to buy hercs home, how do I bring up renting? And yes I do feel bad, I really wanted happiness for them, and I modified and adjusted my lufe, home for it and did not succeed and instead have to figure out a reasonable nect step with people who are not exactly reasonable, why am I feeling responsible for her happiness?
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They made ends meet by taking in foster kids, which neither one can do anymore. If they sold their house and spent all the money, they have backed themselves into a corner. This is not your fault and don't feel bad for their mistakes, it's not your guilt to carry. Mom is showing some signs of early dementia and really should have a complete checkup. Fix the depression before she moves, or you will be on the run to her place daily.
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