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I have a 68 yr. brother that lives with her on medicaid and also has diabetes. He needs help as he is very sick and cannot take care of her. I work full-time and can only see her on weekends. She is not getting her medication as prescribed, no blood check, and eating things not good for her. She can barely walk as she can't seem to stay up and always in bed. She needs help and I don't know what to do. It's hard on me as well as I am 64 yrs. old with Arthritis in both hands and knees myself. I am running back and forth every week,making sure she has food to eat. There is a younger brother living there as well and he is living off my mother, eating the food I bring for her, stealing her money and I want him out. Can someone give me some Ideas and info that will help me out. Thanks. She is 86 yrs.old. She has a walker with bucket to use when she needs to urinate, but what she does is after wiping herself she folds the tissue and puts on dresser to use again. I am always telling her that this behavior is unacceptable, but she for some reason does not get it.

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There are many steps you can take but the overriding question is the availability of financial resources. With money, you can hire a health care manager, This person will sort our the meds and bring in an aide to make sure they are properly dispensed. Depending upon your Mom's feelings about the youngest, you can speak with an attorney to determine steps to keep him out of the home. To make things easier on you, arrange for home delivery of groceries if that is available near you. The poor hygiene behaviors come with older ages and early dementia. Please know that not all Assisted living (AL) facilities have the same rules. Where I live, the ALs take residents who are totally wheel chair dependent, incontinent, etc. If your Mom has the resources and this is a possiblity, start to research those in the area so you know how they work and what their rules are.
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You get her to a nursing home. Assisted Living will not handle bowel incontinent or aggressive patients. Mom would have to be able to walk to the dining room and it doesn't sound like she can. Start the conversation with her MD. Even if she is on Medicaid, the brother may be allowed to stay in the home, but he could not sell it, since Medicaid will have a lien on the home.
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