What to do! Mom's taking care of her 94yr old Mother for 7 years. Is there someone who can come evaluate the situation?
My wonderful Mom, she’s 72, took in my 94yr old Grandma 7yrs ago after back surgery. She quickly recovered, but now 7yrs later, has become completely dependent on her basic survival. My Mom hired an at home caregiver, who comes in Mon-Thu 9am-2pm, but Fri-Sun it’s her alone taking care of her.
My Grandma lives in an electric recliner, including sleeping in it, & is only not in the chair during meals. She’s unable to get to her commode by herself, needs her Depends/multiple pads changed religiously, can only walk to her commode while someone pulls her walker, & is now reliant on a wheelchair. She cannot bathe herself, fix meals, or do anything other then sit in her chair.
My Mom is completely burnt out, & her mind is slipping, as well as her moods & relationship w/her husband. The entire situation is much worse as my Grandma manipulates everyone, & her relationship w/my Mom has always been terrible. She crabs & complains about my Mom, yet when I mention her needing professional help, she states she’s not able to afford such help.
My question is if there is someone who comes out to homes to evaluate the situation, to let my Grandma know that it’s time the professionals step in, so my Mom won’t continue breaking her back, losing her mind, & will regain her normal happy demeanor? I have cried to my family about how bad the situation has become, yet all I hear is that we don’t want to upset Grandma. Finally today my Mom has asked if I know how to start the process, which I don’t, & if I know who to contact. She has a nursing home she’s spoken to, who says there’s room for her, yet that’s as far as the discussion has got.
Thank you so much for reading this! I really need some advice.
You can also ask your mom to speak to your grandmother’s doctor to get contact information for a social worker to help plan for your grandmother’s future care.
I think it is great that your mom is speaking with a nursing home. That’s a start.
Your mom is worn out and has done more than her share of caregiving.
Grandma will be looked after in a suitable facility and your mom can visit as her daughter. Your mom can care for her by being her advocate.
You are a caring daughter to help gather information for your mom.
Please keep us posted.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Let your Mom know that close to 40% of family caregivers die leaving behind the love one they were caring. How sad that would be.
Your Grandmother needs to have a village take care of her. It all depends on if Grandmother can budget for the cost of Assisted Living or a Nursing Home. Or if Grandmother can be accepted by Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Medicaid would pay for your Grandmother's room/board and care in a Nursing Home.... this varies from State to State. It is worth a call.
Assisted Living can cost $5-7k per month, a nursing home can cost $10-15k per month, cost vary from area to area. And do NOT let your Mom pay for that cost, it would wipe out her and her husband's retirement. If that cost is out of reach budget wise, have your Mom call your State Medicaid office to see what is the next step. Your Grandmother really needs to be around people closer to her own age. That might help her get herself out of that recliner :)
Your Mom can also call your local agency on aging for their advice.