Mom's step kids want to dole out money before she is gone. Any advice?

A Power of Attorney (POA) must be set up when a person is no longer competent to manage money; if she is unable because of lack of cognition, guardianship is court appointed. This also means you need to be joint owner of her account in order to manage her bills. This requires POA. See an eldercare attorney so the Judge may be Petitioned for guardianship. An eldercare attorney got mom's estate entirely off of probate when she passes, so my brothers can seize...nothing. Then again I've been taking care of mom for over 20 years. The last five years were truly a living nightmare as her Alzheimer's went to advanced stages, and now she is bed bound and tube feedings. I sacrificed my life for her. Literally and truly. When she dies I do not know how I'm going to cope. Everday I pray for WW 3.

Absolutely not. If money is taken away and then mom needs care and it comes down to applying for Medicaid, from what I understand they will look back 5 years to any gifts given and want that money back. People are living way longer than is usually predicted the only one entitled to her money is your mom.

Cat, I'm laughing loudly - your stepsister is going to take you to court to force you to give your consent to a premature distribution of your mother's estate, is she?

Bring it on!

I think she was not listening to what her attorney told her. I think she heard what she wanted to hear.

After your mother has passed away - may she live forever - if all beneficiaries of an estate agree then a portion of the estate can be distributed before the estate has been through probate. I have a suspicion that that is what the attorney was trying to explain to her: that you won't all have to wait for probate to complete, which is good news because it can take ages.

But not she nor you nor anybody, not even if the world gives its blessing, can help themselves to your mother's money in anticipation of a future bequest.

Your stepsister is plain wrong.

This does bring up a very good point of preparing your will properly to make sure your children from first relationship are not cheated of their inheritance

It never has. Who has POA for her finances. Is she in care because her money must go to her care. No. You can’t have her money before she dies. Too bad for your situation.

Cat, I don't believe that an attorney told your sister that she can start distributing your moms cash assets. I would put your objection in writing, send a certified copy to all involved including her attorney and then file for guardianship of your mom.

I would find my own attorney because this will probably be a battle, but it is necessary to protect your mom, no one knows how long she has and to surmise otherwise is flat out bs.

No, no, no.

That is reprehensible and they should get a second or third or maybe a 1st job to pay their own way.

It is not their inheritance until she passes and then only if it is in her will or trust.

Tell them if they touch the money you will turn to law enforcement for their financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior.

It is not, and never has been, OK to steal from your parents!  For heaven's sake, you know how much care costs ...and just how do these kids know mom will never need it, or live longer than five years? Her money is for her care. Period.  Whoever is POA needs to be warned that this is fraud, elder abuse, a criminal offense and needs to guard mom's money like a mama grizzly.  Any attempts to steal from mom, I'd call the cops right away.

This is fraud and abuse. It needs to be reported at once. Is someone POA? Is someone managing her accounts. She will need every single penny she has if she ends up needing care, which can run as high as 10,000 a month, and I am certain that her "kids" know that. I don't know the details here, but this sounds like a case for the police. Someone must be in charge of Mom's estate. They need to be protecting it from this sort of thing.

Cat, oh good grief, what kind of Attorney would dole out that crazy information? That is so untrue, I don't know where to even begin. Makes me doubt that the step-child even talked to an attorney.

You need to make an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney, this type of attorney specializes in all laws pertaining to Elders. She/he will give you advice on what to do regarding the step-children wanting to hand out the money while your Mom is alive.

Since never, as far as I know, unless she gave them the legal right to take ANYTHING before her death. Is there somebody who she gave the legal power to take her property? It doesn’t sound as if she’s given it to the stepchildren. What kind of assets do they have to her assets? Physical assets? Joint accounts?
Your mom could live a lot longer than 5 years. What’s their plan if she does?
I guess I want to know her exposure here. If there was just a will and I were the executor, I’d just say no. My duty as a fiduciary would be to my mother, not to the beneficiaries, as long as Mom was still alive. And Mom might need that money.
There may be legalities here that I’m not aware of. But absent a valid legal doc that says otherwise, Mom owes the stepkids nothing until she’s resting in peace,
I’m sorry that you have to deal with this now.

Cat, let her take you to court, I doubt that this is what the attorney said, she may have massaged this a bit. The law is very clear as to what someone who has the financial POA can and cannot do. Again I say, this money is there for your mother, not the POA and their gang of thieves.

I doubt a competent lawyer would say what your step-sister said. I think she's acting like a bully. You could call her bluff and file charges to put her under investigation for doing her duties as a POA properly and let whoever know of her plans and what she claims the lawyer said. The money belongs to your mother and is for her care. I hope she has a will.

I agree. The money is HERS and for her care. If she needs Medicaid in the next 5 yrs. She will be penalized for giving away her money.

I realize that her stepkids probably feel that their father contributed to that money. He should have left them some in his will then. Hopefully she has a will in place where they inherit. For now its your Moms.

Yes and if she doesn’t live past five years and needs care, Medicaid won’t cover it until penalty period equal to money gifted is satisfied or they pay money back. They have to wait five years after gifting before they need Medicaid. And many states don’t cover memory care with Medicaid. So if she lives less than five years you’d better dig deep in your pockets cause private care can easily run $5-10,000 per month. And the people needing it now won’t have it to repay...

That is not ok, this is pure greed.Who has her POA? If it is you, you need to block them, the money she has is for her, not them, to provide for her as long as she lives.