What should I do besides the obvious change of her sheets etc? Is this simply something one must deal with? My problem, not hers? 90% or more of her time is on her bed, no desire to do anything, I rigged up a watering station for her to turn on and off the water for her rosebushes etc, she doesn't use it. I offer to bring her for a ride to anywhere, she doesn't want it. I ask her what might give her a little motivation or any joy, nothing. So Do I just let her lie in her bedroom, safe and sound, or do I do something more to try and help?
OK just at a crossroads...
poor mom just wants to slide down that slope into her own casket, I'm not being melodramatic, she is choosing bed and misery. We're going to the Dr. next week so there will be some hard conversations soon enough
Have you talk to her doctor about a review of medications? You mention Depression..is she on medication? If not maybe it is worth a try. If she is maybe time for an adjustment.
If everything checks out and she does not need physical therapy for any reason then rather than "offer" to take her for a ride...get her out. Tell her she is going for a ride, tell her she is going for a walk.
I am experiencing the same thing with my mom. You didn't mention how old your mom is. Mine is 95 with Alzheimer's. She used to live in an ALF until she nearly died of severe dehydration and COVID. Prior to that she was completely mobile and able to dress herself. After she was released from the hospital and rehab center, my husband and I moved her to a new facility in their memory care unit. She is no longer able to walk or dress herself and has lost almost 30 pounds since the beginning of April.
She has been under hospice care since moving in and I just changed the hospice company this past week. The facility is always encouraging her to go to the dining room. I always encourage her too when I talk to her on the phone or do my "window visits" three days a week. They even had an almost brand new recliner chair which they offered me to put in her room. She won't sit in it for long and then wants to get back in her bed. I can't figure out the reason why. This facility has BINGO every single day which is something she used to participate in at her previous facility but, she won't do that either.
Has your mom developed any bedsores? My mom is for the first time starting to develop some bed sores. So the new hospice company has provided a low air loss mattress for the hospital bed along with a barrier cream.
Do you think your mom is depressed? Hospice has just started putting my mom on a low dose antidepressant which takes about a month to start working. So I ended up telling her new hospice nurse the problem with her not wanting to get out of bed. Her answer was sometimes at this stage of their life, they are simply just tired and worn out. That's why I asked how old your mom is. I've come to accept it for the most part although yesterday her new hospice doctor asked me how I felt about my mom getting physical therapy again (it failed after she left the hospital to go to rehab) and I said "yes, let's give it a go." I told the doctor my mom likes her new place and she's in a better place mentally so maybe she will be willing to cooperate this time. If she doesn't participate, I'll have to just let them discontinue the therapy.
Lastly, I know you are offering her things to do and asked her what would give her some motivation but, have you just asked her why she doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere? Just a thought - I hope you find some sort of answer!
Take her out in the sunshine in a wheelchair.
Make sure she has Vitamin D, and magnesium.
Of course it is a problem for her, body deteriorating losing function, and the possibility of blood clots.
Don't just let it go, you were right to ask this question. Don't berate her, keep trying to help her.
Does she shower, attend to her own hygiene?
so we went from 2 nurses, 1 social worker, and 3 in home helpers in april when I last spent significant time here, to 0 anybodies except for me when I came back in July