Can Mom's POA spend all her money and then refuse to take care of her? - AgingCare.com

Can Mom's POA spend all her money and then refuse to take care of her?

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For years (after Daddy died 2001) Mom has been obsessed with her housekeeper turned companion and now caregiver's son (he's married, there's no relationship, he just takes her money and calls her, she calls him constantly. Why does wife allow? They're broke as church mice......how do people know how much $ church mice have?!?). This has been going on since then, she's not wealthy..... And I've been legally and Motherly gagged.

Years ago Mom left the house to him in her will, nothing to my brother and me OR to his Mom who continues to care for her. We're fine with that after all these years. Now Mom has entered a new phase of dementia. She's about to take this man to her atty this week to give him PofA.

Can he go thru her bank funds, "utilize" her monthly pension as her health declines and then, depending on the state of her health and needs, decide he doesn't want to sell her (his) house to provide for her necessary care, be it private or ALiving, NHome, etc.?

In other words, could he, for lack of a better term, "put her out there or dump her on me?" I don't mean it in a cruel way. I'm talking legally...

Are there any options I can present to her atty before they meet? Like, please look out for my mom's best interest in a clause of some sort?

Just curious.

Thank you.

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UPDATE:
To clarify - Mom very clear headed but forgetful, NOT declared incompetent, but diagnosed with early dementia. Still signs checks, etc, but does not go to bank....

1. Turns out in Sept. her will left house to brother and me
2. At Xmas, when visiting, he let me know she changed it BACK to him in Nov.....CGiver's Son (also her POA, also the man she now openly professes her love for).
3. Since POA is also HEIR, in this case it "reasons" that he would spend "his" money wisely......
4. However, I'm aware that the only recourse I have currently would be to request some sort of audit of their record keeping. They (by "they" I mean CO-POAs.....CGiver is one and her son is the other. I know. Could it be much worse?!?) don't keep any receipts, tho I've tried to explain..... Bank records may be it......
5. Additionally Mom has no more savings, only her monthly income from which I've tried to encourage a budget.....to no avail.

At Xmas my husband and I proposed taking care of all her "additional" expenses as needed, but only if we managed her finances instead of CGSon. I knew, as POA, he would need to agree (my husband proposed this to him and her). Mom agreed, he refused. I explained that he "worked" for her, not the other way around (remember, she's NOT incompetent), HOWEVER, during this eventful discussion, it became horribly evident to me that my mother cannot say no to this man who has been unethically but LEGALLY manipulating her in front of his family and my family for over 10 years. It's just me who's finally accepting that my mom isn't going to change her feelings (she's been changing her will back and forth since 2006...using different lawyers as even THEY advise against her!).

Bottom line, as of today this minute: my relationship with my mom is at an all time high. We talk min 2/day. I don't want to jeopardize that. While she's "with me" and in no harms way, I'll leave it be. But if and when things change, the gloves "may" come off.

Another day.....another topic😉
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legally, yes, POA can keep it all private

JAs daughter could insist on knowing a little more or being compensated for expenses incurred, but again, if brother says no and she does not think anyone else can provide well for her, she may be stuck...
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Rainbow, a POA is not required to share information and is expected to maintain confidentiality if that is what Mom wants. I did not share what I knew about my Father's bank accounts, and he was very evasive with my sisters when they asked what he had. He said he wanted everything to go to his wife, and I wrote a Will that did just that. He signed it, my husband and I witnesses it and the lawyer said "You effectively signed off any inheritance." No kidding!
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Actually JAsDaughter, he already has had access to her money because she thinks he is good. Making him POA will put legal responsibility on him to use her assets only for her benefit. If she is already deep in dementia, no attorney would accept her signature on a POA. Judges take this very seriously. Why she has turned her back on you and your brother may forever be a mystery.
If you are under an order to cease and desist, aka "gag order" you may not participate without risk of being held in contempt of court. That can get ugly and expensive. You have to let go, or be found in handcuffs.
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My brother has been made POA with my moms' health and financial care. There are four of us adult children. My dad passed 4.5 years ago, the Will was not finished or assigned either a POA or Executor/Executrix. I believe my dad wanted my oldest sister to be assigned both, my mom wanted her only son to be. She waited until after the passing of my dad to make my brother "in charge". He refuses to share any of her accounting of the financial part with me or my sisters, yet he has me to handle all her health issues. What are our rights having him to be more or any at all!!! transparent with their financial concerns?
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A power of attorney does not take away the principal’s rights to make decisions. As agent you have the power to act, along with the principal, according to the document. Only a court, through a guardianship and/or conservatorship proceeding, can take away the principal’s rights to act on his or her own.
The problem with a POA is when they don't know anything has been done "on their behalf" . It is expensive and actually hopeless to get the damage reversed.
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The POA is not normally required to take care of mom. Their only responsibility is making sure mom's needs are met medically and financially.

You could call the lawyer to give him a head's up and information on mom's mental capacity. But even a person with dementia has a legal right to change their POA if they have not been found to be competent. Another idea would be to get mom to the doc to determine if she has the capacity to make such an important decision.
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Also... I cannot put my mother in a nursing home since her home was sold and she didn't get the money. SO think about who is going to take your mother in when her home is gone.
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Yes, my brothers took everything of my mother's and sold or disposed of it at their discretion and "dumped" her in a motel room. And you are allowed to ask for a legal accounting of everything since your father died. This sounds like the start of dementia. On the very words that you have been "legally and Motherly gagged" sounds like your mother's decisions has been controlled. She is paying them a wage to be her companion not financial advisor. You need to legally get POA and sell her assets, put it in a trust for her use while you still can. I wish I would of knew would of made it my business over mother 6 yrs ago! Now I have her, her bills, since she has no assets to fall back on.
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Dear JA'sDaughter, I don't understand what you mean by "And I've been legally and Motherly gagged". Could you elaborate on this? Thank you.
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