I have been my Mom's POA for 2 years, now my half brother wants POA. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

I have been my Mom's POA for 2 years, now my half brother wants POA. Any advice?

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I have been taking care of Mom, my Dad passed in 2011 and she declined quite a bit.I have a half brother, Jay, who is 48 years old and is on disability for mental issues. He has borrowed a lot of money and taken advantage of Mom to the tune of $40,000. She co-signed for him on his house as he went through a divorce. He started drinking and his marriage ended and he has twins and lost visitation as he beat up his younger brother over being POA. He has physically abused me 3 times. All because he wants more money from Mom. My Mom has dementia and has gotten worst. The Memory Clinic says she is fine..My brother Jay was court ordered into a Mental Facility last January and just got out. He is persuading my Mom in devious ways to give him POA. He has no money and no car, and he is late on taxes on his home which Mom is responsible. He convinced her to go to a lawyer and try to get POA , She did not remember going to the lawyer later in the day. When I found out as his x-wife told me he called her and bragged that he was getting POA, she thought it was wrong as she knows I have been taking care of Mom real good and not taking money,(I finally had to put Mom in assisted living last Sept) before that I had been 24/7. Anyway , that did not work as I told Mom what she did and she called the lawyer and said no she did not want Jay to be POA. Now my brother told his x-wife that he was getting a restraining order on me , to keep me away from Mom's house next door which I am fixing up to sell. He is so devious it is unbelievable. He is greedy and needs to remove me to get to Mom's funds,It is a definite sink or swim for him. Last Sunday for the third time he used physical force on me. I walked into Mom's assisted living 2 room studio, Jay hid behind a wall I walked in and he took both hands and pushed me on the floor on my back, I lost my breath and when I finally got it .,I was crying and my right elbow was injured ans d my left hand, I got up and said "You can not keep using physical force on me" he said " I didn't nobody saw it". ( Mom was sleeping in her bed and at that angle could not see). I asked him if he was trying to kill me and he said :"Yes Maybe". I ran down to the Main office crying and asked them to call the police, they sent up their security man who asked Jay to leave and Jay said no, The police came and Jay ended up in jail charged with domestic violence, I was at the police station for awhile and a restraining order was put on Jay. He was out the next day . Then the place Mom lives at put a no trespass on both of us. I have talked to the management and they are talking with Mom and I should beable to go see her on Monday, Mom does not want Jay to come up . She told them. Jay has called her on the phone and starting to brainwash her again. He needs $$$$ right away,
Mom has an Elder Attorney, but he claims he cannot do anything for me. I need my own lawyer. This is crazy, Jay can not take care of himself, just got out of a Mental Facility, behind on bills as he blows money foolishly. What can I do? It's about Mom's money but she is easily lead then forgets. I have a lot of responsibility being POA for Mom, it is a job. Jay is not right in his thinking and will lose his house if he can not get Mom to give him power or money. He is exploiting her and I went to the court office and filed an exploitation on her behalf and they refused to put a restraining order on him to stay away from Mom. I need to go for guardianship and I will but in the mean time, he is planning his moves and calling her and trying to obtain POA. This is killing me as Mom will have nothing if he has his way.. What should I do to put an emergency stop on this while I get a lawyer for Guardianship??? I need help now!!! Mom forgets so much and has depression and sleeps the majority of the day and this is not helping, and no Adult Protection Service will do nothing as they say she allows it. Any fast suggestions???????

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No witnesses and Mom was sleeping and the way the wall is she cold not see, but surprised she did not hear it but had a fan on her night stand, Guardianship takes time. I have no time. Today my half brother rented a car again, and his x-wife is going to let him see his twins who are going on seven . (big mistake). She will be there and thinks it it was she should do but in the past it has hurt them. He does not see them at times for a long time.I am going to a lawyer Monday for me.. I need a lawyer to help all the harassment I am getting and try to stop the creep as soon as I can. Then Guardianship will be done also but I need Jay to stay away and not call her which he is doing as we speak.. He has yelled at her,,, He is mean and needs $$$. I never thought I would be going through this. I have over two hundred thousand equity in my home, I want to move to Virginia, Mom wants to go and has a home with 97 acres worth four hundred thousand, we can go together and she will have enough to go into assisted down there and a home down there is seventy thousand,, I take care of myself, I was not handed money as my Dad was my step Dad. He was an alcoholic too! abused Mom but quit drinking,when I was 15 years old. My half brother is 8 years younger then me, I feel what ever my Mom has is hers. Jay feels that he should be given something when Mom passes to give to his kids, I think he is full of shit and wants money for himself.
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1) Your mom's lawyer is right you need to go for Guardianship/Conservatorship over your mom. That would give you the power to untangle the finances between your brother and your mom. 2) Did you file assault charges against your brother when he assaulted you at the facility and were there witnesses. 3) Don't give up. 4) No matter what your brother does, you are not responsible. I know I have a brother who is a drug addict and alcoholic and lost his son in February to Leukemia. MY other brother just told me he just saw him and he'd fallen off the wagon. It's hard but you are not responsible for any action your brother takes.
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Jay is not going for Guardianship he is only interested in getting more money. I have been taking care of Dad and Mom for over 8 years. Jay has "borrowed" over $40,000 cash from Mom and had her co-sign for refinance as he went through a divorce after 17 year marriage. He has been drinking and beat up his younger brother over POA. I finally went and obtained POA as Mom was looking at going into assisted Living, Jay can not stand the fact I am POA. I have been physically abused by him 3 times. The issue is also Mom goes along with him and Me. She forgets about his stealing and lying to her. He has yelled at her and is disrespectful of her. After he beat me in 3/2012 I took mom to Florida to get her away from all the stress, We came back 9/8/2013 Jay was still drinking and went to a bar and smashed plants, not sure why, and has been court ordered into a mental facility for 6 months, gets out 2 weeks ago and rents a car as his was repossessed, he saved some money but did not pay bills or taxes on his home. There are liens on his home and Mom is responsible as she co-signed, So we came back to more stress, He has cried to her and begged her to give him POA and she did go to a lawyer , one he found and almost signed the POA for him. I went to Mom's Assisted Living Place to see her as I always do and he hid behind a wall and jumped out and pushed me on the floor, He said I put him through hell, I have done nothing but be POA and not allow him to anymore money from Mom. The place put no trespass on both until they figure out what to do. But the head lady told me Mom said she did not want Jay up now. Mom changes her mind all the time. He is after me and trying his hardest to obtain some kind of superior hold on Mom's assets... Not right and Mom's own attorney said you need to go for Guardianship; He does not want me to give up.
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Let me see if I got this straight. You are still POA. You have a restraining order against Jay. The Nursing Home won't let either one of you in. Jay is going to file for Guardianship.
I am a Guardian in NY. No judge would ever appoint Jay. Mom's attorney is doing the right thing by representing only her and not other parties in the conflict. The Nursing home is also protecting the patient from conflict.
How else can I help you?
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This will be so easy to prove that he is not fit to be POA. Just document everything and go to your local Adult Protective Services. I doubt you would even need a lawyer, unless brother manufactures some revocation of POA papers. He doesn't even sound competent to know how to file a revocation however.
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Adult Protective Services think she is fine. The Assisted Living people know she has memory issues. I have filed for 2 years with Adult Protection Service they say Mom has not been proven to be incompetent, (wrong). Her new Doctor near her Assisted Living place is not good and only seen Mom 2-3 times in a year. Police are sick of both brother's are Social Paths. The court has allowed Jay out and he is not right and still getting electrical shock treatments and they have to give him his medications as he overdoses or does not take them.... Mom would sign anything out of love not even knowing what she signed, these are her sons.. I am fed up and I have a referral to a good attorney and calling him Monday. But I am truly afraid that when/if I get something right away that stops Jay, he will kill me then himself...:(
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And hire a good lawyer rught away.
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Prosecute him to the fullest extent and make sure you get to testify. Gwt copies of every hearing as soon as. They are available. If he ends up getting records expunged you'll have a harder time getting copies you need for evidence. Take mom to another doctor forr evaulation ffor possible cinservatorship. Call the state and report elder financial abuse. Protect her at all costs or decide to let it go.
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Your mom needs to get checked by another Dr, see if they can get her in the next day. Tell the Drs you will sit there all day waiting because she has to be seen. How did the Memory Clinic test her? According to others, its a couple hour test or more to get proper results.

Based on what your saying about your brother, there should be no way he would be able to get POA. What disability does your brother have? Plus, you said your mom told the lawyer she did want him to have POA , so this should be on record. On Adult Protective Services, if she is proven to have Dementia or similar, they have to step in because she can not defend herself mentally or even physically( if he went after you, he might go after your mom). If your brother is on disability and depending on his issues, does he have a case worker? If so , call that person and let them know whats going on. Keep looking up and and every service available to help you mom and your brother. Call the mental hospital where he was at and let them know whats happening see what they say.

I wish you luck and your in my thoughts hugs.
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