Mom's partner's dementia includes anger and verbal abuse that he now also directs to the CNA's at the assisted living facility. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

Mom's partner's dementia includes anger and verbal abuse that he now also directs to the CNA's at the assisted living facility. Any advice?

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They are not legally married. I had told all the children and lawyers and doctors that he was like this, all the proper reporting to agencies was followed. I placed Mom in the assisted living alone so she could be away from his home, and safe, his kids wanted him there with her, so my siblings agreed. They never did and still don't visit, or help me and ignore his decline and behavior. Now, assisted living wants him out, I want Mom to stay in this facility alone, she does too, she is 96 and blind and deaf, (almost completely) and weak. Brother tricked her into giving him POA. Siblings don't even want these two in assisted living, they want the money for themselves. I'm afraid for my mother, whom I take to all her doctors and outings because I am ten minutes away. Help! Her affairs are separate from her partner, I don't want siblings to move mom if her partner has to go!

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Thank you for great replies. Yes, AL knows the story. Brother influences Mom by lying. So do all of Mom's partner's kids, because they don't want to deal with their dad. So they say that if they all agree, it's me that's wrong. I'm going back now for an update. The best thing for me is that AL knows it is I that am correct. I'm especially glad that residents have a combination GPS tracker/call button/fall alert around their neck. I have a lawyer on retainer for emergency. Mom has a lawyer also, but siblings told her not to call him because she can't afford it. (Not true) so I don't know if he can help her if siblings won't let him, somehow, because he knows the situation too, of course. Sigh. Thanks for listening!
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Reply to Birdieme
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Who is Mother's Healthcare POA? That is the person who has authority to decide where Mother lives but ONLY if she is not competent to make that decision herself. Unless she has been declared by a court to be incompetent, if she wants to stay where she is, she can.

She can also very easily change the POA if she wants to. The POA does not give Brother the right to move her anyway, but removing it from him might cool his jets a bit!
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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You fear for mom’s safety, right? There is a potential that her partner could become physically abusive. The AL staff cannot keep an eye on them 24/7, and an attack can happen in a split second.

If one of the agencies you contacted was APS, call them again to report what’s happening. You fear for your mother’s physical safety. Is she self-pay? If so, the sibs won’t be recognizing any financial windfalls. You can also contact an Elder Law Attorney. Just because you don’t have POA doesn’t mean you don’t have any rights at all. Is the AL staff aware of her partner’s abuse? Is there a social worker involved? If he yells at her they must hear him and investigate. They are, on some level responsible for her safety too.

Good luck. Please let us know how things are going.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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