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I have an older brother who I have been trying to get to take mom just for a weekend to give my husband and myself a break. He just doesn't get it. Every time he says he will take her something always comes up and he can't do it. He finally took her last weekend and I was thrilled to have some time with my husband. It didn't turn out the way I was hoping. My husband informed me that he just can't deal with my mom being with us any longer. I know it has been hard on him. It seems like every time a family member needs help it is always me that has to take care of them. When my dad got cancer and had to go to chemotherapy he stayed with us for 2 months because we lived closer to the hospital and that way he would not have to drive. When my brother lost his apartment he stayed with us for 2 years. And finally I told him he had to either find some where else to live or move in with my parents. Mom lived with us for 2 years and she was just a miserable person. This is before the dementia started. Now she is living with us again. I just don't know what to do. My husband has been a huge help through all of this but I don't want my marriage to suffer because of this. I can't afford to find another place for her to live as she has no assets at all. I am applying for Aid and Attendance for her but that takes a lot of time (that's what I have heard). My husband wants my brother to take her but he refuses because he said he has to work too. I need someone else's outlook on this. Please help.

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Debs, I'm sorry your free weekend had that sting in its tail, with your husband's taking the opportunity to unload about your mother - that can't have been the kind of time off you were looking forward to!

But thank goodness he did, and thank goodness you listened, and thank goodness your local aging services people turn out to be the helpful sort.

The thing about banging your head against a brick wall is that it's wonderful when it stops. But then the thought of having to start doing it again is all the worse - and I expect that's what proved the last straw for your husband. Credit to him for his understanding and support over the years, and I wish you both the strength to grit your teeth for this last uphill leg while you get your mother sorted out. Here's hoping the process will go smoothly, please update us.
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Update on my status, went to see the Dept. of Aging yesterday. They gave me a lot of useful information. They asked a lot of questions and gave a list of Assisted Living places near us and the prices. They also gave me a list of places I could call for respite help so that me and hubby can have a break. I have an appointment with our local VA tomorrow to help me figure out what forms I need to fill out and to make sure I have all of the documents I need. Thanks so much to everyone for all of your support.
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Since your mom has no assets she should qualify for Medicaid and Medicaid will pay for a nursing home.

It sounds like you and your husband need a break.
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