I am the unpaid caregiver and Financial and Medical POA for my mother. I have cared for her for 8 years with zero pay. By the time each year rolls around and summer is here I am nuts and need an extended break which comes in the form of a two week vacation.
This year Mom's condition has been worse and I have been stretched to my limit and beyond. I have become ill and I am having horrendous panic and anxiety attacks that I cannot control. I see a therapist once a week and I have xanax to take but I wish I could figure out how to STOP THEM FOR GOOD!
I have become afraid to be at home with Mom. It is taking care of her that has caused me to go nuts each year and her worsening condition and medication not working has led to my panic and anxiety.
I begged my older sister to stay home today from work and not leave me alone with Mom. She went to work but called my younger sister and had her stay home from work (she has a house payment and 2 kids to take care of alone) so she could go to work at a job that she knows is over in about 2 months.
She gave me the name of a man who has an in home care agency, so I called him and he was here tonight going over everything with us. For 5 hours a day, five days a week the cost is $1,800 a month which is caring for mom and cleaning the house.
So both siblings and i had a talk and ran the figures. Older sister wants to know WHO IS PAYING FOR THIS? I said, "It is coming out of Mom's money." She throws a fit and is yelling "OH NO ITS NOT!" She goes on to state that the "problem is mine" I cannot deal with our mother's condition, therefore "I need to go see a psychiatrist and have him medicate me so I can deal with her worsening dementia and the outbursts and yelling!" AND I SHOULD BE THE ONE PAYING FOR THE IN HOME CARE, NOT MOM!!!! SHE DOES NOT REMEMBER THAT SHE OWES THE HOUSEHOLD ACCOUNT $7,200 FOR 2 YEARS OF PAYMENTS SHE NEVER MADE, SO MOM AND I HAD TO PICK THEM UP!
IN OTHER WORDS, YOU ARE USING OUR INHERITANCE AND I DON'T LIKE IT!
She gave me ONE MONTH to get over my panic and anxiety, one month that is it!!! And every single day that the caregiver is here, I am to be out of the house doing "whatever it takes to get over the panic and anxiety! My complaint had been that I was locked inside this house all week with Mom and could never get out and it has literally driven me to panic and anxiety. See she works part time and gets off work at 2:30 but stayed gone until 5-6 or 7 pm so she did not have to be here to help or deal with the mom and the situation. I have been FREE in home care for my mother for 8 years and she has been no help until the past couple of weeks. After tonight it will probably go back to no help!
SO SAID SISTER, HAS ACCUSED ME OF SQUANDERING MOM'S MONEY, BY HIRING IN HOME CARE SO I CAN TRY TO GET MYSELF BETTER. SHE STATES THE PROBLEM IS MINE AND I SHOULD PAY FOR IT, THERE WOULD BE NO NEED FOR IT AT ALL IF OUR MOTHER DID NOT HAVE DEMENTIA AND REQUIRE SOMEONE TO CARE FOR HER, SO MOM SHOULD PAY FOR HER OWN IN HOME CARE.
NOW SHE SAYS SHE IS GETTING HER OWN ATTORNEY AND FIGHTING ME ON THIS BECAUSE I AM WASTING MOMS MONEY. I TOLD HER IT IS MOM'S MONEY, MEANT FOR HER CARE, AND THAT IS WHAT I WAS DOING. IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT, SHE CAN QUIT HER JOB AND STAY HOME AND CARE FOR MOM OR HIRE SOMEONE ELSE TO CARE FOR MOM....OH NO, SHE WANTS MY FREE LABOR!!!!
Am I right or wrong, can and should Mom's money be spent to get her in home care that I am not currently able to give due to my panic and anxiety attacks???