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I'm sorry you're going through all this, on top of providing care for your mom. If I were you, I would get a notebook and start recording everything... incidents, dates they occur, date you spoke to someone at the NH, their name, any actions taken, etc. As for past dates & incidents, just record them in chronological order as best as you can from memory. Sometimes, looking at your datebook may help jog your memory (as in, the "kissing incident" occurred on the day you did this, etc.).
Then, go to your local department of aging or elder services (you can google these) and get a caseworker to sit down with, and go over all these transgressions with them. The part about your mom being scared to sleep b/c of the kissing neighbor and the NH not taking the complaint very seriously is unacceptable. I'm sure that once you do this, you will start to see some improvements. The important thing here, is to record everything in writing and take pics w/ your cell phone, when you visit.. anything and everything. You need to provide evidence and a trail, and once you report this NH & the staff & administrator's ineptitude, the Dept. of Ageing or Elder Services should look into it.
Unfortunately, certain things going missing is probably not going to be a huge deal to them... my mom has early stage dementia, is in an excellent Assisted Living facility, and unless we write her name on everything (sheets, towels, underwear, etc.), things do go missing or get mixed up in the laundry. I think it's the nature of the beast. We don't keep anything of value in mom's room. Being the nearest one to her (20 min. drive), I keep all her ID cards, etc. and bring them, anytime she needs them. We took care of most of her financial & business needs by having someone pay all her bills, so she really doesn't need any cards or money anyway, except for pocket money when she goes on group outings. Anything of value, mom either gave away before she entered her Assisted Living or has them at my place.
Best of luck to you. It's a horrific & emotional ordeal what you're going through, but your best ammunition will be to be calm, record everything and then file a complaint with the proper channel.
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Not sure if this will help, but NH's are licensed by the State. There should be a sign posted somewhere in the NH that indicates where you can write with any complaints. You may also need to look into getting legal advice. Perhaps Legal Aid can help. I would document everything, and include names, dates and receipts. Keep writing different agencies and calling Senior Advocates until you can get some help. I feel for you. Perhaps your persistence can help turn this NH around.
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