My mom lies about everything. She is 95 still on her own (grateful) and maybe at that age they earned everything they do? It puts a toll on me. The other day the nurse called her about an appointment she needed to set up. First of all the nurse should have called me first since I handle her appointments and they know this. So my mother went ahead and made an appt for Friday at 9:00am. Mom calls to let me know that the nurse said my mom needed to call me. I asked for the phone number of the nurse & she said she didn't have it. I let my mom know that if she is going to make appts on her own she needs to let me know so I can check my schedule to see if I am available. To be honest I don't believe the nurse told her to call me. She took it on her own so I would be there with her for the questions. She has got caught in her own lies when being questioned by the nurse when I wasn't there. They sent me a copy & of course there were lies in there. I addressed my mom about it & she said she never said those things. Even though her nurse has indicated before I did not have to be there for her appt which are questions on how she is doing I will be going. The bottom line is my mom saves me her newspapers & I think that is what is bothering her the most that I didn't pick them up. She has OCD. The lying is ongoing. If she doesn't want to go somewhere she will lie to that person. If someone wants to come over she will say she is going somewhere & won't be home. My sister also is in this web where she lies also. My sister and I don't speak because of the friction in the family. I will let the nurse know that I need to be called when it comes to her appts. I hope I don't sound petty but it puts me on a spot & at wits end with all the lies.
She fought like a tiger to maintain her independence, and became more and more anxious as bit by bit she lost it.
She actually would say she was going out as it became more and more difficult for
her to deal with contact from her concerned family.
Although it’s very painful to have to do so, it might be more revealing to you and your sister to observe what seems to make her more anxious and attempt to make her feel more supported rather than challenge what you are considering “lies”.
My mother always lied here and there...called little white lies. However, she started lying more and more as the dementia was progessing. She would lie about not being able to go visit someone, and/or not being home when someone wanted to come over for a visit. She would lie about paying the bills that clearly she wasn't and I knew this because there would be stacks of unopened mail. Now, she tells stories about my dad that are just simply not true.
I had come to realize two main things: 1) my mother (I think) was lying about not being able to go visit or have visits to a void social situations because she might have known something was wrong and didn't want anyone to know. 2) because she believes what she is saying to be the truth. Her stories and timelines are way off, but she believes what she is saying to be true!
Now, she is at the point were if something bothers her she won't tell you (she can speak). Unfortunately, the worst side of her personality is coming out.
I am with Barb that your mom might be experiencing cognitive issues. I would get her tested for dementia if she has not yet been tested.
You will have to learn to not take what your mom says to be the whole truth nothing but the truth!