Mom's live-in caregiver is constantly late when I give her time off. What should I do?

Under the New York Domestic Workers' Bill of Rights, a domestic worker is defined as someone who works in another person's home who is not related to them and is not a part-time job. This bill gives domestic workers an eight hour work day and overtime (time and a half) for working over 40 hours a week (or 44 hours if the employee resides in the home of their employer). This law also establishes that workers must be granted one day (24 hours) off every seven days of work or be paid overtime pay if the employee agrees to work on this day. Also, after one year of work with the same employer, domestic workers are granted three paid days off every year. Although domestic workers were already covered by the minimum wage law, this bill ensures that domestic workers receive $7.25 per hour. Check the laws in your state.

Sooz, time to find another caregiver. They think they're indispensable. And by giving her more than the contracted 3 chances, you are telling her that she can slack off and you will never fire her. Because you need her. Because she's indispensable. Start looking for a new caregiver.

The one I hired started slacking off months after she was hired. When another caregiver covered for her, I really liked this temporary worker. But she told me that she's only doing this as a favor for her Friend. In other words, she's loyal to her friend, the original cg. She was not about to steal her job right from under her. When this temporary worker left, I realized how much my original caregiver had slacked off. Well, I knew how much but .. to see the difference between the 2... I decided to lay off my original caregiver. I asked fave sis if she can start babysitting dad on Saturdays from 8am to 1pm. I sure do miss the paid caregiver but I refuse to spend $70 for her to do little but sleep for hours, then spend hours out in the garden. Uhm.. she's suppose to be watching my bedridden dad.

If you put 3 chances in writing and she has left 5+ times without explanation, then you are to blame. Stick to your contract, get someone else, and fire her. You cannot depend on her and you need to hire someone who is more reliable. Do a background check, and do what you say in the contract will happen if the contract is broken and abused. Be an advocate for your mom!

Send her packing....

Yes.

Speaking of "serious about the job" what does it say in your contract with her? The written contract laying out her conditions of employment - pay, hours, entitlements, responsibilities and so forth. There is one, right?

If she's in breach of it, and you've given her written warnings, then she's fired. As far as her rights of occupancy go, can you not find out what your area's regulations say, exactly? - but in general, if accommodation is part of her employment terms and conditions, I should have thought that if you terminate the job you terminate her "tenancy" too. No?

The conversation you need to have with her is a difficult one, and with respect it isn't just she who has blown it each time. You tell her she's fired, she cries and says she's got nowhere to go and she won't do it again, you back down, and - guess what happens??!! I know you know this, I'm just hoping the absurdity of it will bring a sigh and a smile, help you put your finger on where the problem is.

Look objectively at the conversation. What difference does it make to her who you've got lined up to replace her? Why should she care whether that person is better, worse or much the same? Seriously, by putting forward that kind of case what you are asking her to do is say "oh I see! Well, she sounds just wonderful! You'll be much better off with her here instead of me! Okay, I'll leave today then…"

Yes. Well. Quite.

To complete this conversation successfully, you have to be clear about what the bottom line of it is: namely, that her employment is terminated for disciplinary and contractual reasons and that you therefore require her to leave by [date]. What happens after that with your household is not her concern. Where she goes and what she does is not your concern.

Having said that, I suspect you have been counselling or befriending her (I suspect this because how else do you get any impression of what her boyfriend is keen on?). Since you have already been doing it, you had better finish the job by collecting some pointers for her towards alternative employment and alternative accommodation. Phone numbers, names of agencies, YWCA contact details, whatever. Put the information in a folder and hand it to her. This would be charitable and constructive - but thus far and no further, because you are NOT taking responsibility for what later becomes of her. Do and say nothing that is not directly related to her leaving as planned.

So two things to remember:
1. She's fired.
2. She must be packed and gone by [insert date].

Before you begin, consciously put aside any desire you have to be liked. I may be wrong but I think that could be where it's all going wrong - and most of us have fallen into that trap every so often, surely.

Just a note - if it matters at all any more .... I did fire her, finally. I had to physically pack up all of her stuff (something really smelled - found a bag of pot at the bottom of the trash can and a straw in one of her drawers) and set it out front. It was a scene at about 11PM when she returned with excuses - and it was my poor hearing that was really at fault - I thought she asked how I was when in fact she said she asked if she could go out - my answer: Yes, fine, fine. So when I found her gone I immediately thought she'd done it again - sneaked out without asking. Anyway, long story short, it was bound to happen. I just feel awful that the way it happened, she for once wasn't at fault. I have since found another caregiver who is an absolute angel. I also found the first one another position with someone far away from here where she won't be distracted. I think she learned a lot from working for me. So good came out of a pretty sh***ty situation.

sooz, I see your issue with the Caregiver is still continuing. Time to let her go. https://www.agingcare.com/questions/caregiver-sneaks-out-at-night-170638.htm

Wow. I call that a result, Sooz! Well done to you, on all counts (and I hope the new one keeps her halo shiny) :)

Before I'd answer your question, I'd need to know how much you are paying her.

I would say it is way past time to call the agency you are working with. After the first instance this should have been handled and handled right away. There is no excuse for this type of staffing. Get on the phone with the agency NOW and insist they replace this caregiver with someone more compassionate with your situation. That is what they are there for.
Oh, I am assuming that you are working with an agency. If not, then it's your problem and you are stuck. Just hope the caregiver will leave when you ask. There have been many instances where they refuse to vacate causing additional legal problems. Guess things like this are where working with an agency would come in very handy.
Good luck.