My Mom (62) is my Dad's (83) caregiver. Her life is becoming miserable, though she never complains. Any advice?

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I'm 27 years old, and the youngest of my siblings (most of them live in the States, whilst I along with my parents and sisters live in the UK). My mum is a breast cancer survivor who just turned 62, my father suffers from Parkinson's and dementia. His symptoms are getting worse, he started hallucinating and his memory is fading fast. My mum spent many years battling cancer -and when I say many years i'm talking 15 years +- my father was very supportive at the time. I guess it's now her turn to give him care. However, her hands are very full, her face is always pale, she never has time for anything she can't even go our for short walks because she cant leave father at home alone. she's not a woman who ever complains,she never wants to burden any of us, and as cheesy as this may sound she really is the closest thing to an angel. Seeing her healthy years fade away miserably like that breaks my heart, I can't afford to get them a full time or even a part time carer to support. And as horrible as this may sound, I once googled the life expectancy of demntia sufferers. I do love my dad, but he's not the same person he was. I feel as though he's being tortured and is tourturing her with him. I can never take mum on holiday or even out for coffee! She is missing out on life and I am missing out on having my old best friend relationship with her. None of my friends understand, as their dads are all much younger than mine. Does anyone have any advice? I just can't bear the thought of losing mum before giving her all that I can!

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I don't know what services are available in the UK, but maybe you could help your mom by researching what help (if any) there might be for her. We do have caregivers on here who live in the UK, so maybe they can offer you some advice. Your mom needs to find a way to spend time away from your dad, to restore her mental and physical health. You're a good daughter for wanting to help. Can you and/or some of your siblings sit with your dad so mom can go out to a movie or for coffee with friends? Is there any kind of day care (we have this in the US) where your dad could go during the day, so that your mom can have a break?
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I am the full time care taker of my mom with dementia. The best thing anybody could ever offer me is to sit with her, even if just for a few hours, so I can have a mental break. We love the people we take care of and would rather suffer than to see them in a home. We would never ask anybody to take on this burden but it doesn't mean we don't secretly and desperately wish for it.
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You can help your mom by finding out what resources exist to get her help. She's probably too overwhelmed and exhausted to look. Can you be in touch with local social services agencies, dad's doctor, the local Council on aging to find out if there are respite programs? Is his health detonated to the point where he needs full time care? Mom may not realize she's killing herself, but she surely is. Bless you for worrying about the her.
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