My Mum is 93 and has dementia. She has lived with my Brother and his family until 4 years ago when she started to spend longer and longer periods at my home. This has also coincided with her greater need for care – as she has gradually become less able to function on her own. I work from home and the transition has been gradual so we have just adapted together. A priority has been supporting Mum to keep active both mentally and physically.
Both my Brother and Sister want my Mum to visit them and stay for a week or two at their homes – as she had done from time to time in the past. Yet in the last year or so I have noticed that Mum has always returned from these visits exhausted and confused – and completely off her schedule – and in the past it has taken weeks to get Mum back into health and into some routine – but lately it has become nearly impossible to get back to any kind of normal. Now Mum is so fragile and her memory is so confused that I need to assist her 10 - 15 times during the day with every need except her own hygiene (although this is on the near horizon). My brother is still insistent on Mum staying with his family at least one more time. If I agree it seems like I’m betraying my Mother (as I don’t know if this time she’ll recover – or I will be able provide enough care upon her return – and maintain my job). But if I don’t it will cause a rift in the family. Mum does not want to leave here – either leave me or the birds that she so adores – yet she wants to make everyone happy - and cannot remember the difficult time - or even remember any of the previous visits.
I’m just so unsure of myself – I see what I see but my brother has another perspective. Not sure how to proceed?