Mom's in the rehab facility now and wants to go home. It's not safe. What do I do?

"I'm really sorry mom/grandpa/husband), but the doctor wants you to stay here to get stronger. You won't be able manage at home right now. Let's go see if the kitchen ladies have any of that peach pie left".

This may work if your elder has dementia. If not, the conversation may be more about the reasons that they can't go home (too many steps, not enough help at home), but to my way of thinking, if an elder is convinced that they can manage when objective people ( their doctor, the OT who examines their home, we, the folks who know we'll get called when they fall) then they are either suffering from dementia, or are in deep, deep denial or both.

We are not obligated to give up our livelihoods, our retirement benefits, our health or our relationships "because that's what dad wants". Dad/mom/gramps can get their NEEDS met, not always their desires.

You should make it clear to their discharge planning person that her home is not safe for her - they would be discharging mom to an unsafe situation. Are they aware of the details of her house situation? They should be able to work with you to find a safe place to discharge mom to. Assuming your mom is legally competent I suppose she could just insist of leaving and getting herself home somehow. I don't think they can hold her against her will as long as she is competent. But you don't have to help mom get to an unsafe place - have you talked to mom and made it clear that you are not willing to support her at home - they she cannot rely on you to ride to the rescue? Does the discharge planner know this?

You should talk with the social worker or some with experience that will explain her safety benefits if they leave and is not healed completely.

Get her somewhere she will be safe and that is not home unless you can make modifications to the home. You could get a portable toilet for downstairs and make a ramp for getting into and out of the home, but if the halls are not wide enough for a wheelchair then she will be confined to one room. You decide.

I sympathize with your situation. You are not alone. The only thing I can say is check out with the fire dept or senior center for the phone number for "lift assist" for falls that you can't handle. I found out about this after my dad was admitted to nursing home! Hope this small tip helps you in some way.

Hopefully the medical professionals can determine if returning home is feasible for your mother. Don't know if this would work for you but sometimes people will do whatever is necessary- make a temporary bedroom downstairs, bedside commode, shower on weekends at someone's house, etc. Consider assistive products to help with mobility issues. Let me know if I can offer suggestions- sometimes products can be a person's ticket out of a nursing home/rehab center (or allow a person to remain home in the first place). Best wishes to you and your mother.

You could try getting an OT pre-home eval and they might be able to make it safer. But yes, let me echo and amplify everyone else on here - just because a person says they want something, if it is not right and not safe, you do not have to agree to go along with it, though you may decide to do so albeit under protest if they have the wherewithal to insist on getting it anyway.

I see a few here need to read up and understand DEMENTIA. Some people need to understand that's it not denial A Dementia individual is always right whether we like it or can't handle it or nor. Some people need to research before trying to give someone else advice. I have been working in the healthcare field and with the dementia for over 15 years

Sweet.. I have reread the Op post, and the answers.. and nowhere do I see that the patient has dementia.. I am confused by your post. I got the impression she is possibly just "contrary". and do you mean the dementia pt always "thinks" they are right? Because my dad and my MIL always think they are right,, but believe me they are NOT !! LOL
My MIL loved her rehab and did not want to come home even when she was well able too... and now FIL was in rehab and could not wait to come home. Both fall alot, wont listen to useing walker/cane.. avoid stairs... more falls.
Tree, if it is not doable.. don;t do it.. for your sanity and thier health. Let social workers and professions talk to her, and just say no!

Do you have POA? The reason I ask is this happened to a 78 yr. old neighbor. The family did not have medical or financial POA, so after the hospital he refused to go to a rehab but instead called an agency to provide him 24 hr home care. Sounds great right? Not for $350/day and the fact that he has no downstairs bathroom, no wheelchair ramp and the house is not wheelchair friendly. It is A MESS. AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN. PLEASE TRY TO GET HER DISCHARGED TO A REHAB. INSIST HELP WITH A SOCIAL WORKER!!!!