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My Mom had a bad fall and needed surgery. She is going to be in a wheelchair for at least 4 months then crutches and walker. The home will not accommodate a wheelchair and the only full bathroom is up stairs. She was not steady on her feet before this awful fall.

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Pamz I was addressing this to one particular comment I seen and was trying to give that particular comment an enlightenment of dementia. The particular comment did not make any sense to what was originally asked, that particular person who commented didn't catch on. So now I understand why they commented the way they did.
That person keeps commenting on questions that I give my opinion on and they are now being help they are speaking nonsense, that's all. Lol
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I would explain to her that until the doctor gives her the approval to go "home" (not the rehab place she is in), she needs to be in the rehab facility until she is good enough. So tell her that she needs to listen, do what the rehab people say so she can get better.
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People have been taking care of loved ones for FREE for years. Now they can be paid a stipend, get training and 24 hour support by a group of professionals if needed. It doesn't work for everyone but it does work for some. mary111 how is your post helpful?
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"What state do you live in? Several states can now pay family members or friends to provide service if the person lives with you. The average reimbursement / stipend is $1000 a month, tax-free."

So family and friends will stay with a woman that likely needs 24 hr. care for at least 2 months for $1,000/month split between them? 24 hr care x 7 days x 4 weks is 672 hrs/month divided by $1,000 is $1.49/hr. And this is assuming the woman is easy going and willing to listen to her care providers---which she clearly isn't as she wants to go home to an unsafe environment? Why not transfer her to a rehab facility temporarily where the gov. will pay 100% for her stay? Trust me, this is a bad idea. It's nice that friends and family are willing to "help"--but these situations almost never work out because friends and family don't have the skills and training for these jobs and do not realize the work load physically and mentally. This is not just "minding grandma". That is why they burn out and place family in homes in the first place. Good luck, though.
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What state do you live in? Several states can now pay family members or friends to provide service if the person lives with you. The average reimbursement / stipend is $1000 a month, tax-free.
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Do you have POA? The reason I ask is this happened to a 78 yr. old neighbor. The family did not have medical or financial POA, so after the hospital he refused to go to a rehab but instead called an agency to provide him 24 hr home care. Sounds great right? Not for $350/day and the fact that he has no downstairs bathroom, no wheelchair ramp and the house is not wheelchair friendly. It is A MESS. AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN. PLEASE TRY TO GET HER DISCHARGED TO A REHAB. INSIST HELP WITH A SOCIAL WORKER!!!!
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Sweet.. I have reread the Op post, and the answers.. and nowhere do I see that the patient has dementia.. I am confused by your post. I got the impression she is possibly just "contrary". and do you mean the dementia pt always "thinks" they are right? Because my dad and my MIL always think they are right,, but believe me they are NOT !! LOL
My MIL loved her rehab and did not want to come home even when she was well able too... and now FIL was in rehab and could not wait to come home. Both fall alot, wont listen to useing walker/cane.. avoid stairs... more falls.
Tree, if it is not doable.. don;t do it.. for your sanity and thier health. Let social workers and professions talk to her, and just say no!
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I see a few here need to read up and understand DEMENTIA. Some people need to understand that's it not denial A Dementia individual is always right whether we like it or can't handle it or nor. Some people need to research before trying to give someone else advice. I have been working in the healthcare field and with the dementia for over 15 years
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You could try getting an OT pre-home eval and they might be able to make it safer. But yes, let me echo and amplify everyone else on here - just because a person says they want something, if it is not right and not safe, you do not have to agree to go along with it, though you may decide to do so albeit under protest if they have the wherewithal to insist on getting it anyway.
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Please tell them that she is very much unhealthy to return home. If she is in the rehab section of an NH, she then should be transferred to the long-term care unit of said NH.
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Can you tell her that she has to stay in the rehab facility until she's out of the wheelchair? Might give her some motivation to cooperate with therapy.
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Get her somewhere she will be safe and that is not home unless you can make modifications to the home. You could get a portable toilet for downstairs and make a ramp for getting into and out of the home, but if the halls are not wide enough for a wheelchair then she will be confined to one room. You decide.
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Hopefully the medical professionals can determine if returning home is feasible for your mother. Don't know if this would work for you but sometimes people will do whatever is necessary- make a temporary bedroom downstairs, bedside commode, shower on weekends at someone's house, etc. Consider assistive products to help with mobility issues. Let me know if I can offer suggestions- sometimes products can be a person's ticket out of a nursing home/rehab center (or allow a person to remain home in the first place). Best wishes to you and your mother.
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I sympathize with your situation. You are not alone. The only thing I can say is check out with the fire dept or senior center for the phone number for "lift assist" for falls that you can't handle. I found out about this after my dad was admitted to nursing home! Hope this small tip helps you in some way.
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"I'm really sorry mom/grandpa/husband), but the doctor wants you to stay here to get stronger. You won't be able manage at home right now. Let's go see if the kitchen ladies have any of that peach pie left".

This may work if your elder has dementia. If not, the conversation may be more about the reasons that they can't go home (too many steps, not enough help at home), but to my way of thinking, if an elder is convinced that they can manage when objective people ( their doctor, the OT who examines their home, we, the folks who know we'll get called when they fall) then they are either suffering from dementia, or are in deep, deep denial or both.

We are not obligated to give up our livelihoods, our retirement benefits, our health or our relationships "because that's what dad wants". Dad/mom/gramps can get their NEEDS met, not always their desires.
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You should talk with the social worker or some with experience that will explain her safety benefits if they leave and is not healed completely.
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My grandpa is also in the rehab facility. He begs me to take him home. My sister or myself can't leave work everyday to help him. I had back surgery last year and have disc degeneration. When he needs up or even falls in the floor I can't help him up. My sister and I are the only family responsible enough to care for him. I have a nephew that is constantly begging for money and only wants grandpa home to get money from him. I am afraid my nephew will check grandpa out of the rehab facility for his own gain. My granparents had only one child my dad that passed away 10 years ago. My grandma passed away 7 years ago. So, my sister and I are aline in this. Besides the moocher nephew. Any help or suggestion is appreciated.
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You should make it clear to their discharge planning person that her home is not safe for her - they would be discharging mom to an unsafe situation. Are they aware of the details of her house situation? They should be able to work with you to find a safe place to discharge mom to. Assuming your mom is legally competent I suppose she could just insist of leaving and getting herself home somehow. I don't think they can hold her against her will as long as she is competent. But you don't have to help mom get to an unsafe place - have you talked to mom and made it clear that you are not willing to support her at home - they she cannot rely on you to ride to the rescue? Does the discharge planner know this?
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