My mom's in a nursing home. I hate it!. But she needs 24 hr care. What do I do?

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I been taking Care of my Mother for 5 years or more she needs 24hr care she got memory Loss do to "Vally Fever" Not Dementia. It is something like it. it's very sad I feel so sad for her she didn't deserve this. Me and my mother were always together did everything together. But just this year it hit me I got Care Givers burn out. I almost died it was so hard for me all alone. I have always been strong and was a go getter let nothing stand in my way. Even the hardest day couldn't get me down. But finally THIS SURE DID. She ended getting Mental issues. Not like she never had it But this baked the cake. like Dementia.Like a bipolar sun downer the hole bit. She is now in a Nursing home. I had a Very Hard time getting her in one Not that I wanted to but her Mental ness got out of control! Like I really know what to do what Medication she needed. Seem the Medication only made it worse in different ways if you understand what i mean. But so far she been to 3-4 different ones and they are ALL BAD! Very bad. They all need to be shut down if you ask me. I'm just one person I can take care of my mother for all the years. They can't even do that and they have everything and help with Nurses and CNA's and can't even do i!!! Thats is Messed up. There sould be cameras in ALL the Nursing homes to see what they do at night or after hours when the Administrator go's home. Not that the Administrator is any good they too are bad. All I can do Is Cry and ask if there is a loving god. Why. Help me please make the right choices. I can't even get someone with memory loss to the proper place they need to be! This is so WRONG! And these people need "Proper Care." I can't afford it Most people can't unless your rich or a Move Star. There is nobody to really help you when you have a parent at home with this kind of Illness! There needs to be changes in the system. The "Government" or the "State" needs to help they have the money and the power do something about it. God forbid if this ever happens to one of us in the future if there is any left of that. I can't really keep her in a Nursing home they are making her worse I don't know what to do!She will not live in there its elder abuse. They all are!

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Until you can transfer her somewhere, visit as much as you can and ask the medical staff how you can complement Rx tx.
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To WildChild,
Well thank you for your advice and All you good people out there!. No its not my mother getting Worse. s thinks better more clearer when she is at home with me she lost more weight they got her all Medicated up. Well for her mental ness yes i do agree she needs to be on something but now her arm shakes on and off and she can't eat on her own very well at all shes all doped up cause they said she screams that's because shes scared she can't walk she been there for 3 months now and still cant walk. She walks fine at home she got a bed sore there very bad one on her rear. She got a bladder infection there! Nobody wants to take her cuae they put on her heather records she screams. I'm trying to find a better nursing home and can't cause they said she screams. So I can't. Seems very hard to transfer her. it's been hard anyways cause of her memory loss. No they trying to say it's cause she old and it's cause shes getting worse that's Not True. I know my mother more than anyone cause I been with her most my life on and off. who know her better? Them or me? Exactly.
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Breathe! I had to sign my Dad with dementia in to a nursing home last November. He had taken a big dive off a mental cliff. Cried uncontrollably for weeks. I too thought they were screwing up his meds. Had my brother, a nurse, evaluate what they were doing as he is Alzheimer's nurse for a living. Turns out they were doing the right thing for him, but the disease was what made him worse, not the meds. Could it be the natural physical progression for her illness? Talk to the doctors, talk to the nurses, orderlies, lunch room attendants, everyone? What's their experience with this type of disease? I'm sure I drove the staff at my dad's nursing home nuts with all the questions, but they knew I'd be there every day, so kept them on their toes.
Please FORGIVE YOURSELF!!! You have done all a daughter can do in a loving way.. Again, FORGIVE YOURSELF.
It took time for me to admit that I was losing my father (delightful, loving, goofy, highly intelligent man) and that it was time for him to go. It SUCKED on a hundred levels. All you can really do is be there for her. It sounds like there is no way to improve her condition, so just love her and be there for her.
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I am sorry to hear your pain. You clearly love your Mom and want to protect her. That is beautiful. She needs you to advocate for her.

Have you reported the suspected abuse to your local ombudsman? My Mom was in a 5 star assisted living place - lots of bling - and lots of expenses - and she had unexplained wounds on her. I did report it to our county ombudsman and they investigated. We pulled Mom out and she is now in a modest, smaller NH and it is WONDERFUL. Mom has no wounds and she is much, MUCH happier.
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