My Mom's now in assisted living, but continually asks to go home. Any advice?

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She has dementia, and although she is functioning at a high level, she was not eating properly, wasn't handling food properly and did not always think she was in her own home. She does not remember my sisters and I staying with her 24 hours a day, as we were fearful of leaving her alone.
Now she says all the problems that brought her to assisted living was just a misunderstanding and she hates the assisted living. She does't understand why she is there and wants 'another chance' to go home and live alone. Nothing we tell her about the doctors have said she needs to be there has changed her mind.
It is hard to visit her, as she appears so unhappy, crying, and just wanting to go home. The staff says she is very outgoing, spending time with other residents and participating in activities when we are not there.
We have been second guessing our decision to place her in assisted living. Physically she is very healthy, bathes on her own, makes her bed, walks without any assistance.

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Can you afford to pay for any home care services?There is a Home Care Sevice in Ottawa that serves individuals who require assistance to live independently in the comfort of their own homes.But please be sure that you take time to think things through before you make any decisions.Best wishes to you!
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Agree with Pamstegman! I think you should leave your mother for 1 week or so, until she can totally adjust to her new environment. I think what your mom's acting is just a plain cuddling.
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One thing I have learned and heard from the assisted living at my Mom's place, and I find it to be very true is we get the phone calls of complaints but they usually act very different when we are not around. I too had the phone calls the tears the rants for over two months. It was very stressful and very depressing and I honestly thought I would crack under the pressure many many times. What helped for me, (and I'm sure its not for everyone) was to think outside of the box a bit to help my Mom see how trully good she has it. I went to every assisted living place in the area when we were searching, my Mom never wanted to tour them as she never felt she would ever end up in one. I on the other hand am a planner and I needed to see what was out there. We ended up finding the perfect place that also happened to be the nicest place, we really lucked out. In the beginning when I would get the phone calls they would be very depressing, alot of crying, alot of her saying "Why did you put me away?" that kind of thing. It killed me inside because I moved mountains to get her into this beautiful place and here she was saying how much she hated it. It got to the point where she was acting out thinking if she could get kicked out I would have no choice but to take her back to her house. I was told this was all normal behaviors in the beginning. Finally, a lightbulb went off in my head. My Mom didn't have the luxury of seeing some of the less desirable places so I figured it was time for a reality check. I picked her up one day and took her to the absolute worse one we saw, it was dark, depressing, and down right scary. She asked why I was taking her there and I told her I needed a back up place because with the way she was acting and carrying on chances were she was going to get kicked out of that beautiful resort like place and this would be the next choice as it was the only other one with beds available. After we left she said she felt like throwing up, (yes it was that bad). The very next morning I got a phone call from her saying that she was going to get her act together and not get kicked out. It was a complete turn around. From that point on I have not had any phone calls from the faciltiy and she decided she was going to play nice and follow the rules. I know it might be a little cruel the way I went about helping her to adust with the tour of the crappy place but I just knew if she saw a horrible place she would change her game play and it worked like a charm. Moving to an ALF is a huge adjustment, older people generally do not do well with change so give it some time and really let her adjust. For us it took almost three months but we are in such a better place emotionally and physically and i honestly never in a million years ever thought we would get here. It was pretty rough and extremely stressful in the beginnning. Stay positive and back away a tiny bit and let her make the choices to find friends, find her mojo and get into a routine and be happy. It will happen it just takes time and a tremendous amount of patience. Good luck!!!
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I know I could not provide 24 x7 x365 care for anyone, regardless of how much i loved them. That does not mean I would be disengaged. It is difficult when someone you love is miserable and you feel you can rescue them,,,,heck they beg you to rescue them. The problem is they are miserable because of their condition, not so much the location, take her home and you will both be miserable and she will be less safe. You are only one persorn and you are not trained, so I do believe a facility is capable of more attention and is safer.
There are plenty of people on this site as testament, the best of intentions can lead to unforeseen results. There are caregivers that are comforted by the love and satisfaction of their undertaking and others that are broken or embittered. Unless you are physically, emotionally and financially positioned you are at risk to become the latter, then mom ends up in a less safe envirionment surrounded by negativity,,,,,what a crappy way to spend her final days for both of you.

This disease sucks, but you can not love someone back to happiness, you certainly cannot do so if in the meantime you make yourself miserable.,,,beware,
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P.S. If her doctors have said she needs 24 hour care, leave her there. It's for her own safety and care.
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If she doesn't remember you and your sisters living with her 24/7, she's pretty far along in her Alzheimers, IMO. I think you made the right decision. Don't make it worse by taking her back home and then having to take her back to assisted living again and putting her through the trauma of moving yet again.

Just keep an eye on her and see how she's looking when you visit, but visit occasionally. You could also go unannounced to see if she is participating in activities and watch from afar if that's possible, to make sure the staff is telling you the truth. Good luck...
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Yea, even i would suggest you to avoid visiting her and just make a phone call to keep a check on her. I know it would be tough for you to resist meeting here but i guess that would be best for both of you. Even I make a phone call to my mom, who is currently residing at Luvida Memory Care.
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(It is hard to visit her, as she appears so unhappy, crying, and just wanting to go home. The staff says she is very outgoing, spending time with other residents and participating in activities when we are not there.)
You never trust what the staff says.The staff will tell you what you want to hear.Do you really think the staff will tell you negative.If your Mother doesn't like it.Then she doesn't like it.Why the force in hopes she will like it if she doesn't.She's the one that has to live their not the staff and you.You say,(She has dementia, and although she is functioning at a high level, she was not eating properly)
If she's functioning at a high level maybe you acted to soon.But,the not eating properly is one of the first signs of dementia going south.Dementia works fast.
May well be the best thing you did was placing her in assisted living.Be lucky you found a assisted living that took her with dementia.
Give her another week in the assisted living.After that if she still is unhappy their.You may want to decide to follow her wishes.With her being unhappy may cause,her to become worse.
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If she is happy and outgoing when you are not there, stay away, just call to check on her. Let her adjust with the help of staff. Visit once a week, join her for lunch and avoid one-on-one weepy sessions.
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