Me and my sisters live around the country, not in the same city as our mother. When we visit we try to clean but instead she assigns up jobs like sorting out batteries or reorganizing a shelf. If we try to push her to get help or if we try to clean up ourselves, she becomes very aggressive.
For the last 10 years her home has been quite dirty and filled with all sorts of things she doesn't need but she will not let us do anything about it, although she constantly complains that she can't get other things taken care of because her house is a mess and needs to be cleaned up. She has a long history of mental illness but she is functional and very smart.
She is now 88 and her health has declined somewhat in the last year, to the point where a friend of hers called me to state that the house was in very bad shape. We realize that we each need to visit her more and ensure that her house is safe for her to be in. We also realize that we need to visit her more to ensure that her home is safe.
She does not listen to any of her children so convincing her of the need to clean her home is not going to happen. She also lies regularly so she might say she is going to do something and then she does not.
We believe that having a home care aide come in to her house several times a week would provide her with some company, make sure her home is safe, and attend to errands, etc. However, her house is not clean or safe enough for an attendant to come to at this point. She says she would be willing to have a home care aide come in, but is not willing to have the house cleaned to the point where that could happen (which could be her passive aggressive of saying she doesn't want a home care aide in the first place).
My sisters and I feel we are at a standstill--we want to know that her living situation is not safe but short of forcibly removing her from the home and sending in a cleaning crew, what are our options?