My mom (78) was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease about 10 years ago. Her health slowly declined at first, but in the last year it has declined very rapidly. She is at the point now where she needs physical assistance to: dress, clean, bathe, toilet, get in and out of chairs, walk, eat, medication, pretty much everything -- I can't think of anything she does for herself. She is very unsteady and falls often (though luckily has never broken anything), and also has very severe swelling (edema) in her legs and feet. And beyond her physical needs, her mental state is very poor: she has hallucinations, panic attacks, aggression, sobbing, confusion, forgetfulness, mixed up speech, etc.
Currently, she lives with my dad (72) who is her primary caregiver. At one point, I tried to encourage them to move to assisted living together so they could stay together and she could receive more care, but my dad didn't like the idea and instead bought a split level house, in which they live in the small downstairs "mother-in-law" apartment, and rent out the upstairs to my sister. My dad is very stubborn and prideful and in quite a bit of denial and insists he can handle it and they'll just get "in-home" care so they can stay there until they die (basically). And since she is unsteady, they no longer try to get her into bed and she sleeps in the living room, in her recliner chair (which she also sits in all day.) The apartment is small and dark and they rarely open the blinds. I feel she is also very depressed and bored.
They finally did get in home care now for 5 hours a day/5 days a week, but I don't feel it's enough. They mainly help with cleaning the house and laundry. They do help bath her, but my dad still does all physical transfers and assistance. She is not light and I've strained my back several times trying to assist her out of a chair or to the bathroom. My dad already has bad shoulders, with surgeries on both of them and shouldn't be lifting her as much as he does. I feel her care at this point is much more than my sister and I can help with and much more than my dad should be doing as well. We are all tired and burned out.
My question: I believe she probably needs to move, I think she is way beyond the point of keeping up with care at home. But I feel my dad will disagree. But I still wonder, is moving her the only option we have at this point if she cannot do anything for herself? Even if we increase her homecare to 24 hours a day/7days a week, will she get enough care that way or would she be better served in a memory care facility? If so, I feel sad separating them and moving her by herself, but what else can we do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
I agree with other poster about getting him evaluated to make sure he's ok to be making these decisions for both of them.
If he is capable, maybe you and sister need to back off a teeny bit to let dad feel a little more pressure and then he may be able to agree that they need more help or that mom needs a placement.
Sorry that she is so impaired with her Parkinson's. It is a terrible. Lost my great uncle to it last year.